= 27d567bc2d48d9f40e9ccc20ea370b15)
Qiaochu_Yuan comments on "Stupid" questions thread - Less Wrong Discussion
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
= 783df68a0f980790206b9ea87794c5b6)
Loading…= b715d02e85f7b3b4ae65ca3d3e450868)
Subscribe to RSS Feed
Powered by Reddit
= f037147d6e6c911a85753b9abdedda8d)
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
Comments (850)
I think to a first-order approximation it doesn't matter where I want the conversation to end up because the person I'm talking to will have an obvious hypothesis about that. But let's say I'm looking for women to date for the sake of concreteness.
Sorry, I have no experience with that, so I lack useful advice. Given your uncertainty about how to proceed, I suggest the possibility that this set of circumstances is not the easiest way for you to achieve the goal you identified.
I am wary of this reasoning. It would make sense if one was uncertain how to pick up women in bars specifically but was quite familiar with how to pick up women in a different environment. However the uncertainty will most likely be more generalised than that and developing the skill in that set of circumstances is likely to give a large return on investment.
This uncertainty is of the type that calls for comfort zone expansion.
Environment matters a lot. Bars (for example) are loud, dark, sometimes crowded, and filled with inebriated people.
I CANNOT STRESS THIS POINT ENOUGH:
Thinking in terms of "picking up women" is the first problem. One should take the approach that they are "MEETING women". The conceptual framing is important here because it will influence intentionality and outcome.
A "meeting" mindset implies equal footing and good intentions, which should be the foundation for any kind of positive human interaction. Many women are turned off by the sense that they are speaking to a man who wants to "pick them up", perhaps sensing that you are nervous about adding them to your dating resume. It's hard to relate to that.
Isn't the goal to engage romantically with a peer, maybe learn something about relationships.
With that little rant out of the way, I think its important to think of where you are best able to have a relaxed and genuine conversation - even with a friend.
If you see a woman at the bar that is especially attractive and worthy of YOUR attention, perhaps admit to her candidly that the location is not your milieu and ask inquisitively if she normally has good conversations at bars. If she says yes and stops at that, chances are she's not interested in talking more with you or simply is not a good conversationalist.
Beware of 'should'. Subscribing to this ideal of equality rules out all sorts of positive human interactions that are not equal yet still beneficial. In fact, limiting oneself to human interactions on an equal footing would be outright socially crippling.