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notadom comments on Group Rationality Diary, July 16-31 - Less Wrong Discussion
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Realized I liked BDSM for the wrong reasons.
After some hard introspection,I confessed to myself that I didn't find BDSM sexually arousing. The main appeal was that, compared to a vanilla partner, a submissive partner would be more likely to let me have my way in disagreements (and this would be ok since they would enjoy yielding) and less likely to betray my trust. I'm not a dom, I'm just selfish and mistrusting. Taking the outside view, I concluded that if I were to be in a BDSM relationship, there's a significant risk of me becoming an abuser. Power corrupts and whatnot.
So now I'm distancing myself from BDSM.
Wow.
If you'd be willing to share, I'd be interested in more detail on the processing that lead to your conclusion.
What do you want to know?
This is, imo, some pretty high-quality introspection; congrats. For what it's worth, I feel like the conflation you describe between abuse and consensual play is not uncommon in the BDSM scene. In other words, I suspect a nonnegligable proportion of doms are in it for the reasons you describe, but don't have the introspective rigour to call themselves on it.