RE: how / why distinction.

John Whitmore's book Coaching for Performance goes into this. Snippit from the book:

If commanding a person to do what they need to do does not produce the desired effect, what does? Let's try a question.

• "Are you watching the ball?" How would we respond to that? Defensively, perhaps, and we would probably lie, just as we did at school when the teacher asked us if we were paying attention.

• "Why aren't you watching the ball?" More defensiveness -- or perhaps a little analysis if you are that way inclined. "I am," "I don't know," "because I was thinking about my grip," or, more truthfully, "because you are distracting me and making me nervous."

These are not very effective questions, but consider the effect of the following:

• "Which way is the ball spinning as it comes toward you?"
• "How high is it this time as it crosses the net?"
• "Does it spin faster or slower after it bounces, this time, each time?"
• "How far is it from your opponent when you first see which way it is spinning?"

These questions are of an altogether different order. They create four important effects that neither the other questions nor commands do:

• This type of question compels the player to watch the ball. It is not possible to answer the question unless he or she does that.

• The player will have to focus to a higher order than normal to give the accurate answer the question demands, providing a higher quality of input.

• The answers sought are descriptive not judgmental, so there is no risk of descent into self-criticism or damage to self-esteem.

• We have the benefit of a feedback loop for the coach, who is able to verify the accuracy of the player's answers and therefore the quality of concentration.