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ChristianKl comments on Ignorance in parenting - Less Wrong Discussion

13 Post author: Gunnar_Zarncke 03 September 2013 10:00AM

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Comment author: ChristianKl 09 September 2013 12:10:53PM 2 points [-]

But often enough I find myself in a situation where I have to back her - but don't know to what end. That places me into a situation where I am bound to fail.

To me that sounds like the rules that your wife sets a too complex. If you don't understand that they make sense as an adult, they will be completely arbitary to the children.

Comment author: Gunnar_Zarncke 09 September 2013 01:30:25PM *  0 points [-]

Insightful. The rules I am talking about are mostly about every-day routine. The grand picture of these rules is clear - but that doesn't help for particular cases where

a) the children may know the rules or rather the pragmatics of the rules better than I and

b) I don't know the 'usual' consequences with respect to rule violation.

This manifests especially if I care for the children only for a limited time and then my wife takes over again - and gets dissatisfied with the consequences of my decisions - mostly because she has to 'clean up' after my 'misapplication' of the rules. And believe me: My children will tell me if I'm to strict but not if I'm too lax.

A corollary to this is: If you are less strict than your partner and never want to disappoint him/her, then you have to be stricter then him/him.

Comment author: ChristianKl 09 September 2013 05:42:41PM 1 point [-]

A corollary to this is: If you are less strict than your partner and never what to disappoint him/her, then you have to be stricter then him/him.

That's when the only thing your partner cares about is that you enforce a certain level of rules.

Comment author: Gunnar_Zarncke 10 September 2013 05:26:57AM 0 points [-]

Sadly that has a true part in it.