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tgb comments on Open Thread, September 30 - October 6, 2013 - Less Wrong Discussion
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It just, you know, feels like yes they could use this money more than I could. I know that there's a good chance they're lying, but they're lying to spice it up but probably do need this for one reason or another. It's not entirely rational choice, I admit, but it always seems like a rather minor favor that really won't hurt me much this time. It's just that it happens far too frequently for my own comfort that I consider it a problem. I don't even feel bad about having given them the money, even in retrospect. I just know that I can't give everyone money who asks for it and that by conceding I'm encouraging even more of this exploitation. (But neither do I think I get a significant 'warm fuzzies' feeling for giving as it seems to be cancelled by the "what am I doing?" in the back of my head.)
I guess that EY's tale here about holding open doors and letting people know they left the car trunk open is why I keep doing this. If I modify myself to completely ignore these little things... what will I lose? Can I really just not ever give anyone the time? What about all those times when they really did just need to know the time, or wanted to charge their phone, or whatever? Those happen, probably more often than times when they're just tricks for scammers. That's why I was looking at solutions like not carrying cash - a way that I can not ignore it but still can't fall for it.
For the record, this was the first time I've given out more than a dollar or two. My original post has probably made it seem like I do this more often and more egregiously than I do, partly because I was carried away by that particular exchange and partly because prior to moving this never happened so anything seems like a lot.
Edit: In fact, now I can think of at least one situation in which I had to ask strangers for some quarters in order to be able to pay to park and catch my train. The only difference in this situation being that I obviously had money on me and just didn't expect their to be automated pay booths taking only quarters. And in retrospect I had some quarters in the car I could have gotten. But regardless, there is value in having people be generally kind to strangers. And I don't think I looked particularly less like a scammer than the last guy who got me, nor was I in a less scam-likely place (possibly the opposite).
An idea: Next time try to estimate how much money such person makes. As a rough estimate, divide the money you gave them by the length of your interaction. (To get a more precise estimate, you would have to follow them and observe how much other people give them, but that could be pretty dangerous for you.)
Years ago I made a similar estimate for a beggar on a street (people dropped money to his cap, so it was easy to stand nearby, watch for a few minutes and calculate), and the conclusion was that his income was above average for my country.
By the way, these people destroy a lot of social capital by their actions. They make life more difficult for people who genuinely want to ask for the time, or how to get somewhere, or similar things. They condition people against having small talk with people they don't know. -- So if you value people being generally kind to strangers, remember that these scammers make their money by destroying that value.
it feels like it, but it's wrong. And you are actively making the situation worse. Better melt your cash and burn your bills. These people could use food, shelter and some skills to earn an honest living. There are charitable organizations providing these services, find the best ones and donate to them. Next time you give a dollar to a beggar, think of how your selfish feel-good act makes the world a worse place to live.
Thanks, this is probably the tact I need to take.
Don't visit the third world. Ever.
On the contrary, a visit to an actually poor place might give him the context to reevaluate the first world poor.
Too late multiple times over, sorry. Though I haven't since I was old enough to really have any money on me.
People don't leave their car trunks open for deception unless they're kidnappers. If you can't tell if people are lying or not, please just ignore them. Otherwise you're encouraging the dishonest ones to harass other people too.
I'll be willing to help out if I hear anything other than a request for money, or if I see an obvious problem I can help with (like a cyclist with a flat tire when I have a patch kit in my pocket). I just categorically don't allow "kindness to strangers" to translate to "giving money to strangers," and as soon as money comes up I say I'm broke (which is not true, but not that far from it either), figuratively close my ears, and walk away.
I suppose it helps that most panhandlers in my area have signs. Most non-sign-carriers who approach me want directions or some such. Maybe I just look like a bad scam target though.