How do you say no?

LoganStrohl

Some people seem to be a bit too generous for their own good. I know a precious few people who are especially good at saying "no" when asked to take on new responsibilities that would put them over their limits. I love working with people like that because I can always trust them to tell me when it would be better for me to find someone else to do the thing. I expect this to be an extremely valuable skill it would probably be good for many of us to understand, learn, and be able to teach to people who really need it.

If you frequently find yourself overburdened, think it's not entirely necessary for you to be doing as much as you are, and can recall a specific instance in the last month where someone asked you to do something and you accepted against your better judgement, I invite you to describe what you were feeling and thinking at the time.

Alternately, if you're an unusually busy and productive person who nevertheless is good at saying "no", I'd like to hear about

a specific example of a time when you said no to new responsibility, what was going on in your head, and how it felt
how exactly you believe you decide whether to take on or reject prospective responsibilities if you have an explicit model
whether you consider yourself more or less empathetic or compassionate than average
whether there was ever a time when you had that "don't know how to say no" problem, and if so what changed

Alternately, if you're an unusually busy and productive person who nevertheless is good at saying "no", I'd like to hear about

a specific example of a time when you said no to new responsibility, what was going on in your head, and how it felt
how exactly you believe you decide whether to take on or reject prospective responsibilities if you have an explicit model
whether you consider yourself more or less empathetic or compassionate than average
whether there was ever a time when you had that "don't know how to say no" problem, and if so what changed

This is two separate issues. The first is being aware of how much you can actually manage. The second is having the capability to refuse requests.

For Issue 2, here's a rule of thumb:

If you find yourself wishing they hadn't asked you in the first place, you should probably say no.

That way you'll be able to distinguish situations from when you actually think you should assist vs. when you feel obligated. (If you actually think you need to assist, you should. Don't go the opposite direction of always saying no.) Also, this advice assumes you aren't playing any signalling games.

I'd say it is a matter of noticing apprehension at the prospect of saying yes, and listening to it.

25

How do you say no?

25

25

25

How do you say no?

25

25