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Omid comments on Open Thread, November 1 - 7, 2013 - Less Wrong Discussion

5 Post author: witzvo 02 November 2013 04:37PM

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Comment author: Omid 06 November 2013 04:31:52PM 4 points [-]

Has anyone else had this happen to them?

  • You got into an argument with a coworker (or someone else you see regularly). You had a bitter falling out.
  • You were required to be around them again (maybe due to work, or whatever). You make awkward small-talk but it's still clear you hate each other.
  • You continue to make awkward small talk anyway, pretending that it doesn't make you uncomfortable.
  • Your enemy reciprocates. The two of you begin to climb the intimate conversations ladder.
  • Both of you act like friends. But, at least from your end, it's not clear if you really are friends. Neither one of you has apologized, nor have you agreed to disagree, or really made any commitment to end hostility. You have no idea whether your enemy has moved on from your fight, and is ready to resume friendship; or if they're simply carrying on a charade of friendship like you.
  • Conversations with this person become really awkward, as you're not sure whether to engage the "enemy-with-whom-I-treat-like-a-friend-just-to-act-civilized" protocol or the "real friend" protocol.

Any advice? Am I the only one that's experienced this?

Comment author: niceguyanon 06 November 2013 10:18:06PM *  1 point [-]

It looks like you have an unspoken treaty of non-hostility. People don't just forget those kind of things; you didn't. My advice is to make good with the person and acknowledge your prior differences, it will be less awkward going forward and you would gain his/her respect. And who knows, they might even gain your respect. Friends for the most part are always better than enemies.

Comment author: TheOtherDave 06 November 2013 05:14:58PM 1 point [-]

I've experienced variation on the theme.
My usual approach is to decide whether I value treating them as an enemy for some reason. If I do, then I continue to do so (which can include pretending to treat them like a friend, depending on the situation). If I don't, then I move on. Whether they've actually moved on or not is their problem.

Comment author: ChristianKl 08 November 2013 04:57:52PM *  0 points [-]

I generally don't think it makes much sense to label other people as enemies.

Comment author: shminux 06 November 2013 08:10:53PM 0 points [-]

You got into an argument with a coworker (or someone else you see regularly). You had a bitter falling out.

"It takes two to tangle" and such. Is the reason for the falling out still there? Or is the residual hate just one of those lost purposes?

Comment author: PECOS-9 07 November 2013 02:29:46AM *  1 point [-]

"It takes two to tango" (not tangle)

Bonus related dinosaur comic

Comment author: Omid 07 November 2013 12:06:55AM 0 points [-]

Yes, I'm still angry with him. He did something cruel to someone weak, and he got angry with me for saying that was wrong. I wish I could delete him from my life but he works near me.

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