habits

• I joined a challenge to do duolingo Spanish daily. Now I've stopped enforcing daily duolingo practice. It's still on my habits as something to reward myself for, but it won't hit me as a negative thing if I don't do it every single day.

metagame

• Stopped keeping a daily assessment of how far I'm going with a "perfect day" streak, in which I get all my daily repeat items done. My system already supplies rewards for streaks. If you try to use a stick instead of a carrot on my subconscious, it will take the stick from you and start beating itself up willy nilly.

• Increased the "price" of rewards like an hour of fanfiction, dipping into my chocolate bowl, and going out for drinks. I'm way overloaded on GoldPoints in HabitRPG, it doesn't mean anything to hit the reward buttons if I can't see an effect.

emotional responses

• Spent a few days in a haze of fanfiction. Curse you, Alicorn, for making effulgence so entrancing. Curse you too Eliezer, for recommending Toasterverse. I finally broke out with an offhand realization that I hadn't done a happiness meditation in a while. It had all been mindfulness lately, as opposed to the style of sitting and thinking about whether I could be okay with just being me. A lot of minor things were irritating me, and I was starting to internalize feeling uncomfortable as an inherent property of being me. Fanfiction is an okay escape from being me, but it's difficult to stumble upon better solutions to a problem I'm not allowing myself to acknowledge.