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DanielLC comments on What false beliefs have you held and why were you wrong? - Less Wrong Discussion
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It was a more general distinction between doing something because you consciously want it and doing something because you evolved to. Reading this again, I should have made that more clear.
The way you get helped by altruism isn't entirely well-understood. It's not clear how it's changed since the ancestral environment. As such, it's not clear what we're doing wrong, and what we'd change if it was self-interest we actually cared about.
I understand that "I" am not helped by altruism, but that my replicating genes are. In most cases, I and the replicating genes are helped by the same actions, thus self-interested actions generally "work".
Altruism happens when the replicating genes' benefit outweighs my own.
Unless you're talking about cases where you're being altruistic to your family, I'm pretty sure the main reason being altruistic is good for your replicating genes is that it's good for you. I'm pretty sure a significant part of altruism is signalling that you'd be a good parent and make it so you can get in a relationship and have kids, but if you want a relationship, it's good for you.
In any case where you know you're not helped by altruism, doing it shows that you're not just acting in conscious self-interest.
8-0 That, um, doesn't look like the empirical reality I'm familiar with. Sure, no one likes me-me-me assholes, but you certainly don't need to be altruistic to get someone to marry you.