What is the common wisdom in this community? How does one deal with this kind of extreme emotion?

It's not great data, but I recall an analogous discussion on Less Wrong several months ago.

I participated in the discussion of a post covering subject matter similar to what you're thinking about: is love a good idea?. It seems to me the original poster was trying to make something like a hypothetical apostasy of falling in love, with mixed results. I had a lot of sympathy for him, as trying to become a rational apostate of 'falling in love' seems a challenge fraught with pitfalls, and yet one somebody might find tempting to pursue such a path after having love rend one's emotions so. The original poster admitted he hadn't been in a relationship as significant as, for example, yours, so there might be limited value in that perspective. Still, I feel like the rest of us were able to clarify his somewhat muddled thinking in the comments, so you might find solace there. Additionally, you might feel like sending some participant in that discussion a private message if what they wrote reaches out to you.