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RichardKennaway comments on Where is the line between being a good child and taking care of oneself? - Less Wrong Discussion
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In a way I have been doing the same past 10 years, but only superficially. I treated my withdrawing from any emotional contact as a shielding technique, not as the only way we can have any kind of social interaction without me being in very low mood the next day.
So more or less you have already found the correct solution (it's not that difficult, if you make different experiments and observe the results), you just blame yourself for not being able to find even better solution which would magically make everything great.
The next step is to stop blaming yourself for not doing the impossible.