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atorm comments on Negative polyamory outcomes? - Less Wrong Discussion

14 Post author: atorm 05 January 2015 12:25PM

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Comment author: atorm 07 January 2015 12:59:14PM *  0 points [-]

I know what you mean. For me it helped to come out to everyone I cared about. I wasn't able/willing to do so with family, and those interactions are more stressful than interactions with friends. The increased mental load of "don't out yourself" is not insignificant.

However, I'm surprised you've been poly for 20 months if you've found it to be net negative.

Comment author: therufs 08 January 2015 10:14:54PM *  0 points [-]

Yeah. For me I don't think so much in terms of "don't out yourself" (basically figuring this is impossible) as "will I be able to manage my relationship with this bystander with minimum future awkwardness" (which I have maybe unreasonably low priors for.)

(Also, not net negative; see above)