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satt comments on Open thread, Mar. 16 - Mar. 22, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion
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Do dating conventions fall victim to Positive Bias?
It seems that people are always looking for positive evidence, and that looking for negative evidence (I suspect my vocabulary might be incorrect?) is socially unacceptable. Ie. "Let's see if we could find something in common." seems typical and acceptable, while "Let's see if each of us posses any characteristics that would make us incompatible" seems socially unacceptable.
Note: I have zero experience with dating and romance so these are just my impressions, although I suspect that they're true.
It's considered rude to say that out loud during a date. However, it is considered good practice to be alert for such characteristics.
In these very words, probably, but it's perfectly socially acceptable for e.g. a vegan to declare outright that s/he is not interested in carnivores...
Do you think that it's rude? It seems sensible to me.
It seems that people interpret such actions as hostile. And people who say things like that probably are hostile. However, I don't think the likelihood of the person being hostile is high enough such that you should conclude that they actually are. I think that the likelihood is low enough such that the courteous thing to do is investigate further as why they're saying that.
And if they're well intentioned - ie. they want both parties to find someone that they're compatible and happy with, and are just trying to do a good job of that - then I think the mature thing to do is to respect it.