I agree with westward that it sounds like you often drink to deal with depression, even if you have things to be happy about and are happy about them at times.
It's tough to notice; it's crazy what you can not notice. I was making a list of stressors in my life a few months ago so that I would be able to recognize them explicitly and take steps to reduce them if possible, and I came up with a lot of stuff, some that I crossed off because I couldn't do anything about it, and some that I took steps to alleviate. But something I noticed around the time that I was almost finished with the list was, I had completely missed my two biggest stressors. I couldn't do anything about them, but that wasn't the point; the point was to think of everything that was stressing me, and my brain outright censored the two things that would be most obvious to any outside observer.
Besides the sources being difficult to notice, there's also the feelings themselves. I always thought that being bored and weak-willed all of the time was the norm, that it was something you just had to deal with all of the time. I unintentionally tuned them out like so many chirping crickets. Then I took some steps that I remembered have been shown to reduce depression, like exercise, exposure to light (sunlight in my case), and thinking that that stuff would work (placebo effect), and I felt better, and things were easier, and I wasn't quite as bored. I imagine you felt something like that when you were doing your martial arts. If it's an option, maybe you could see a doctor, if you trust that; that way you don't have to do as much guesswork. I'm pretty sure I would if it were a financial option. I have a long family history of mental illness and substance abuse and it wouldn't surprise me if I could use some medication. I remember Kaj_Sotala saying that he started taking antidepressants somewhat recently and that they helped him and I think I also remember him making similar comments on how easy it is for depression to go unnoticed when it's been the status quo for so long. But I don't know you and I'm no doctor, so do what really feels right.
Also, maybe you'd like Jonah_Sinick's post Methods for treating depression, which is self-explanatory, and Alicorn's post Ureshiku Naritai, which is basically about getting happier, and see if those things make things easier, especially when you're tempted to drink.
following on from this thread:
http://lesswrong.com/lw/m14/id_like_advice_from_lw_regarding_migraines/c9kr?context=3
User Algon asked:
I don't drink alcohol, but is it really all that? I just assumed that most people have alcoholic beverages for the 'buzz'/intoxication.
I related my experience:
I have come to the conclusion that I taste things differently to a large subset of the population. I have a very sweet tooth and am very sensitive to bitter flavours.
I don't eat olives, most alcohol only tastes like the alcoholic aftertaste (which apparently some people don't taste) - imagine the strongest burning taste of the purest alcohol you have tasted, some people never taste that, I taste it with nearly every alcoholic beverage. Beer is usually awfully bitter too.
The only wine I could ever bother to drink is desert wine (its very sweet) and only slowly. (or also a half shot of rum and maple syrup)
Having said all this - yes; some people love their alcoholic beverages for their flavours.
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I am wondering what the sensory experience of other LW users is of alcohol. Do you drink (if not why not?)? Do you have specific preferences? Do you have a particular pallet for foods (probably relevant)?
I hypothesise a lower proportion of drinkers than the rest of the population. (subject of course to cultural norms where you come from)
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Edit: I will make another post in a week about taste preferences because (as we probably already know) human tastes vary. I did want to mention that I avoid spicy things except for sweet chilli which is not spicy at all. And I don't drink coffee (because it tastes bad and I am always very awake and never need caffeine to wake me up). I am also quite sure I am a super-taster but wanted to not use that word for concern that the jargon might confuse people who don't yet know about it.
Thanks for all the responses! This has been really interesting and exactly what I expected (number of posts)!
In regards to experiences, I would mention that heavy drinking is linked with nearly every health problem you could think of and I am surprised we had a selection of several heavy drinkers (to those who are heavy drinkers I would suggest reading about the health implications and reconsidering the lifestyle, it sounds like most of you are not addicted). about the heavy drinkers - I suspect that is not representative of average, but rather the people who feel they are outliers decided to mention their cases (of people who did not reply; there are probably none or very few heavy drinkers, whereas there are probably some who did not reply and are light drinkers or did not reply and don't drink).
I hope to reply to a bunch of the comments and should get to it in the next few days.
Thank you again! Maybe this should be included on the next survey...
Edit 2: follow up post -http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/m3j/tally_of_lesswrong_experience_on_alcohol/