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chaosmage comments on Open Thread, Jun. 8 - Jun. 14, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion
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Full disclosure here regarding personal issues. I'm looking for advice on how to resolve them to the point where they no longer affect my life majorly. I don't expect an issue this ingrained into my psyche to ever be gotten rid of entirely. I'm sure there are other places more directly related to the subject that I could request this advice, but LWers have usually seemed to have something useful to add to things.
Recently (toward the end of 2013), I slowed, and then stopped taking Zoloft for what was purported to be emotional instability, since I was about 7 until then, when I was 21. I do not regret doing this in the slightest, as, quite frankly, while on it I was extremely flatlined emotionally and had not grown hardly at all in that regard for years. Everything was quite dull.
I have, since then, had to resort to various techniques to calm myself, as getting off of Zoloft also revealed myself to be rather anxious, and to have had latent abandonment issues resulting in clinginess to my close friends. It is the latter part that I need help with, as most literature that I've found has been rather worthless in truly actionable things, as they suggest broad things to be done and little in regards to intermediary steps, or speak to the effects, consequences, and actions that should be taken when in a romantic relationship (which I am not).
Regarding how it feels when I have an episode (for the purpose of relating to it for other people with perhaps-similar issues), I want to curl up in the corner, I get panicky, and it feels like lightning's shooting through me as a cold, heavy lump forms in my belly.
Thanks for any help you can offer.
If I understand you correctly, you have some kind of hyperactive "abandonment detector" system which, if triggered, throws you into an escalating loop of alarm signals. Does that sound about right?
A therapist should have a long look at this to make sure you're not overlooking something. For actually changing that, you might have to be in a stable relationship that lets your System 1 learn an alternate response pattern, which can supplant the other although the one you have might need years to atrophy.
Lots of people with worse issues than yours are in working relationships. It's just a matter of being with someone who can handle you when it's bad and is willing to discuss the matter as much as you need. Someone who can get way closer to you than we can.
Sorry, this was an useless post so now it's gone
Correct. My impression is that this might be an area where psychodynamic therapy might actually be better than CBT, but I don't have research to back that up.
That does sound approximately accurate, yes. To be honest, from what I've read, it's close to a panic attack, though not quite as debilitating. I'm still able to put up some facade when in mixed company.
I don't think that I'll be able to afford a therapist. The closest I'll be able to get is sites like Blahtherapy and 7 Cups of Tea, which are mostly in-training psychologists and therapists doing pro bono work for experience from what I've read. Not the best option, but it's what I've got.
Yeah, I understand that. Under the assumption that you're talking strictly platonic relationships, I've got people to help out with that, but there are few patient enough to help me out with this as much as I'd need, and those that do are concerned -- rightfully so -- at the dependency that would develop.
You're fairly new here, so maybe you haven't read through the material at http://slatestarcodex.com yet. Do that: You get tons of good insights, and some of the information there (including the discussion sections) might apply to your situation, such as http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/05/13/getting-a-therapist/ , http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/07/07/ssris-much-more-than-you-wanted-to-know/ and http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/06/16/things-that-sometimes-help-if-youre-depressed/ .
I don't mean strictly platonic relationships, I mean an intense, deeply loving relationship where both people involved make themselves deeply vulnerable to one another. Where some degree of dependency is okay because it isn't unilateral. These relationships can sometimes heal the people in them more deeply than therapy can.