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So, are you basically saying that the current Western concept of a being gay is mostly the result of identity politics?
To some extent probably it is: the gay identity historically arose as a reaction against the previous negative view of homosexuals as people affected by a mental disease. Indeed the word "gay" was chosen specifically to avoid and reverse the negative connotations of "homosexual".
To some other extent, it is probably be a result of Western societies becoming more wealthy, democratic and individualistic, therefore individuals feel more free to follow their preferences rather than social expectations of their family/clan/state.