shminux comments on I need a protocol for dangerous or disconcerting ideas. - Less Wrong Discussion
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Given that multiple people pointed out that the problem might be with you and not with the universe, consider assigning a non-small probability that this is indeed the case and talk to the people who can fix you. Imagine the payoff: "you would be thrilled". The alternative you have been pursuing so far clearly isn't working -- maybe it's time to face reality.