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MrMind comments on Open thread, Sep. 14 - Sep. 20, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion

3 Post author: MrMind 14 September 2015 07:10AM

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Comment author: skeptical_lurker 17 September 2015 09:06:34AM *  -2 points [-]

Why didn't you just simply invited her to discuss the things further in front of a drink in a more intimate space?

I'd rather people actually said "Do you want to come back to my room for sex?" rather than "Do you want to come back to my room for coffee?" where coffee is a euphemism for sex, because some people will take coffee at face value, which can lead to either uncomfortable situations, including fear of assault, or lead to people missing opportunities because they are bad at reading between the lines.

Or if you do want to invite someone for a drink, go somewhere public.

Edit: I'm not saying that people should go round propositioning people for sex without getting to know them first. I'm saying that drinks in public are good, and that I, personally, prefer to think that adults should be able to say what they mean without euphemisms. I'm not saying that I get to ignore societies' rules. And I realise that people find what I have been saying creepy, but personally, I think if I was a girl I would find it very creepy that there could be situations where I'm in a private room with no witnesses and I want to drink coffee and the guy expects sex.

Comment author: MrMind 18 September 2015 07:11:09AM 2 points [-]

Or if you do want to invite someone for a drink, go somewhere public.

I agree with you, and that's indeed what is implied by my "a more intimate space". I meant a bar where you can create a two people bubble, with more overlapping of intimate space, rather than "come back to my room".

The error I see socially inexperienced people making over and over is presupposing that others have the same need and way of communicating that they have. It's not so, especially when dealing with a person of the opposite sex.

A good rule of thumb in these matters is to incrementally test for more intimacy in a gradual manner: