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ChristianKl comments on Open thread, Sep. 14 - Sep. 20, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion
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I'd rather people actually said "Do you want to come back to my room for sex?" rather than "Do you want to come back to my room for coffee?" where coffee is a euphemism for sex, because some people will take coffee at face value, which can lead to either uncomfortable situations, including fear of assault, or lead to people missing opportunities because they are bad at reading between the lines.
Or if you do want to invite someone for a drink, go somewhere public.
Edit: I'm not saying that people should go round propositioning people for sex without getting to know them first. I'm saying that drinks in public are good, and that I, personally, prefer to think that adults should be able to say what they mean without euphemisms. I'm not saying that I get to ignore societies' rules. And I realise that people find what I have been saying creepy, but personally, I think if I was a girl I would find it very creepy that there could be situations where I'm in a private room with no witnesses and I want to drink coffee and the guy expects sex.
The problem with "Do you want to come back to my room for sex?" can be that it requires the woman to commit in that moment. A woman might very well think: "I would enjoy making out in a more private space but at the moment I don't know whether I actually want to have sex, and I want to make that decision based on how I feel in the moment"
I find this strange, because if I'm attracted to someone, this attraction doesn't change on a second-by-second basis, although perhaps its just me that feels like that. I think if this hypothetical woman doesn't know whether she wants sex, maybe it would be best for her to wait until the next date, where she might have a better idea of what she wants.
I heard some advice saying that if you're not enthusiastic about something its not worth doing, and while I'm not sure this applies in general, I would apply it to sex. No point in half-hearted sex.
Being attracted to someone and wanting to have sex with them next minute aren't the same thing. You usually want to also be horny to have sex. Women also want to feel comfort and trust.
A woman might feel: "I'm attracted to this guy but I'm menstruating and I don't like it to have sex while I'm menstruating."
That assumes that a mental idea of what she wants drives her behavior. I think in most cases a woman will instead listen to her emotions that tell her what she likes in that particular moment instead of relying too much on mental concepts.
That desire might simply be: "I want to be more intimite with this guy than I'm at the moment but I don't want to be in public when we get more intimite."