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MattG comments on Subjective vs. normative offensiveness - Less Wrong Discussion
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Unless of course you're an English teacher at a grammar convention.
Correct me if I'm wrong but to rephrase your point (which I now think I get) - You have the right to be offended at anything, but you can't complain about it if that offense is within the norms of the groups where you feel offended. So your point about "normative" offensive wasn't "absolute normative offensiveness" but "normative in the context of where you were offended".
My argument was agnostic to the relativism debate. Regardless of whether you are considering an "absolute normative offensiveness" or a contextual normative offensiveness, this will typically differ in certain cases from one's own personal, subjective standard of offensiveness.