NancyLebovitz comments on Open thread, Oct. 26 - Nov. 01, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion
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How was the xy problem possibly identified?
It's seems like the kind of abstraction that is impossible from object level analysis of others' questions or one's received answers.
I think it got identified because people saw communication going wrong repeatedly in similar ways, and looked for commonalities. It's also possible it's a sufficiently common mistake that people could look back over their own history and realize they'd made it.