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Viliam comments on Open Thread, Dec. 28 - Jan. 3, 2016 - Less Wrong Discussion

10 Post author: Clarity 27 December 2015 02:21PM

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Comment author: [deleted] 28 December 2015 02:33:10PM 11 points [-]

How to handle feeling low status? I mean the feeling that people don't respect you, and don't consider what you're doing or saying important or worthy. When I was young, I used to feel this way all the time. Now there are groups in which I don't feel this, but I still feel it occasionally, especially if I'm in new social situations. This is the worst feeling for me, and usually the number one reason why I sometimes lose motivation to do things.

The simple solution is to acquire more status, but I'm not really asking about that because you have to be able handle being low status before you can become high-status. Easiest way I've found for acquiring status in groups is this:

  1. Pick a group
  2. Become accustomed to the norms of that group
  3. Signal knowledge, experience, and talent in the areas of interest of that group. Have the right opinions and interests and follow fashion as those interests and popular opinions change. Make the right lifestyle choices. Do impressive things based on those norms. It's not good to be too obvious about these things because explicitly seeking approval signals low status in many groups. There's room for freedom in most of these areas because of countersignaling reasons.

Then there are generally impressive things like having a Ph.D, a high-paying job, or being really skilled in some area which are high status in many groups.

I've noticed that some people who are very intelligent, and especially those who are socially intelligent, can often make people respect them even in new groups because they always find interesting and relevant things to say. I'm not that kind of person.

Comment author: Viliam 29 December 2015 09:09:48PM *  16 points [-]

Your 'easiest way' feels to me like: "If you are low-status, and you want to change it, aim for middle status, not high status." Which in my opinion is an excellent advice. Because if you succeed at this, you can try the higher status later, and it will feel more comfortable. But many people consistently keep aiming higher than they can afford, and then they predictably fail. Now that I think about it, it applies to so many areas of life -- people trying to run before they can walk, which ultimately leaves them unable to either walk or run.

People probably fail to notice this strategy because they see the situation as a dichotomy between "low status" and "high status", as if any deviation from the highest observed status means they remain at the bottom.

All of the following behaviors are not highest status:

  • Joining an existing group, instead of creating your own, or waiting for the group to form spontaneusly around you.
  • Learning the norms of the group, instead of expecting the group to forgive you all transgressions.
  • Taking interest in the topics of the group, instead of expecting the group to switch to the topics that interest you.
  • Following the group consensus, instead of signalling your uniqueness by disagreeing with it.
  • Working hard, instead of displaying that you don't have to work hard.
  • Talking about interesting and relevant things, instead of expecting people to admire you regardless of what you say.

And that's exactly why a person starting at the bottom should do them, because it will bring them to the middle. Actually, this strategy would bring the average person to the middle; the highly intelligent people will end up above the middle, because their intelligence will allow them to perform better at these things.

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