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Clarity comments on Open Thread May 2 - May 8, 2016 - Less Wrong Discussion

5 Post author: Elo 02 May 2016 02:43AM

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Comment author: Clarity 07 May 2016 01:46:57AM *  -1 points [-]

  • NZ epidemiologist Pearson A.L appears to have predicted the trans-pacific partnership in 2014: Although such a case may have no strong grounds in existing New Zealand law, it is possible that New Zealand may in the future sign international trade agreements where such legal action became more plausible. - British Medical Journal

  • Why do I, as a desperate male, lonely and horney level desperate, stave of the attention of females when I’m not the one leading the charge? One of my peak experiences was visiting Torquay on an undergrad uni field trip walking with the sexiest girl I’d ever met. A busker was playing ‘I’m a believer’ at a market. It was magical. After the field trip she invited me to a coffee date - I agreed. I never took the initiative from there, and nothing happened. I had spent a week fantasising about her and enjoying her company, but her sexual aggression was somewhat intimidating. The same happened with someone I struggle to appreciate, recently, a girl who flirts with me on an ongoing basis.

  • My housemate said having a strong feeling of I don't want to be like my parents will make me more like them. I wonder if that's true? Is trying to be less neurotic self defeating?
  • CFMEU has a new slogan: 'every battle makes us stronger'. Looks like smart advertising from a group that's under constant fire.

Reframe log

  • Instead if seeing people moving through crowds as antagonistic see them as compatible want (not wanting to collide with you)
  • instead of seeing strangers around me as potentially violent threats see them as potential defenders

behavioural insight, modification

Stop doing those sloppy back slap drum roll hugs Carlos!

  • I used topsy turvy photo icons in my science presentation. I thought it looks kooky and kitsch. It looked dumb. As they say: ironic shitposting is still shitposting.
Comment author: ChristianKl 11 May 2016 10:49:53AM 1 point [-]

NZ epidemiologist Pearson A.L appears to have predicted the trans-pacific partnership in 2014

Given that the trans-pacific partnership negotiations started in 2008 and were first sheduled to end in 2012 predicting it in 2014 seems like a feat that doesn't have much to do with predictions but just with being up to date about what's currently negotiated.

Comment author: Viliam 07 May 2016 07:51:39PM 1 point [-]

Well, what are your beliefs and feelings about intimacy and sex? If you imagine yourself accepting the offers, what would it mean about you? Imagine it like a movie, and then what your parents (or other important people) would say about that.

(I suspect there is something negative, either directly about you e.g. "if you don't lead, then you are weak", or about the girl and then indirectly about you e.g. "if she initiates, she is a slut; and you are a loser if you date a slut".)

Comment author: Clarity 11 May 2016 12:57:26AM 0 points [-]

beliefs and feelings about intimacy and sex?

This is a complicated clusterfuck and I don't know where to begin

Imagine it like a movie, and then what your parents (or other important people) would say about that.

I would feel kinda ashamed

(I suspect there is something negative, either directly about you e.g. "if you don't lead, then you are weak", or about the girl and then indirectly about you e.g. "if she initiates, she is a slut; and you are a loser if you date a slut".)

I feel I can totally identify with this suggestion. But I'm not sure if that's just cause I'm suggestable.

Thank you so much for you insight.

Comment author: Manfred 08 May 2016 08:46:04PM 0 points [-]

Why do I stave off the attention of women?

I've had similar reactions in the past. There are a couple reasons, I think. Fear or rejection of the unknown, of jumping into new social situations. Nearsightedness in wanting everything to go perfectly the first time so much that you don't get practice at making things go well. Fear of exposing myself to rejection, coupled with harder to describe feelings of low romantic or sexual worth. The feeling that you don't really know for absolutely sure that you want to spend a ton of time with the person you're flirting with, so you shouldn't follow through.

Two things have helped me with this. The first is increasing my self-worth a little. You can probably think of men less physically attractive than you who have had perfectly happy relationships. Try to understand what makes them attractive people (I tend to think of this as "falling in love" in miniature). In fact, I've found this exercise of trying to see the lovable in other people is a pretty good one in general. Anyhow, you can do this on yourself too. You have plenty of good points, I guarantee it.

The second thing was just jumping into those novel social situations. I have a mantra for it, even: "I would regret not doing it, therefore I will do it."

Comment author: Clarity 11 May 2016 12:59:39AM 1 point [-]

Fear or rejection of the unknown, of jumping into new social situations.

I suppose so

Nearsightedness in wanting everything to go perfectly the first time so much that you don't get practice at making things go well.

Other experiences support this hypothesis in my case

Fear of exposing myself to rejection, coupled with harder to describe feelings of low romantic or sexual worth.

yep

The feeling that you don't really know for absolutely sure that you want to spend a ton of time with the person you're flirting with, so you shouldn't follow through.

I don't want to get attached to someone that's gonna burn me! :(

Two things have helped me with this. The first is increasing my self-worth a little. You can probably think of men less physically attractive than you who have had perfectly happy relationships. Try to understand what makes them attractive people (I tend to think of this as "falling in love" in miniature). In fact, I've found this exercise of trying to see the lovable in other people is a pretty good one in general. Anyhow, you can do this on yourself too. You have plenty of good points, I guarantee it.

That's a very compelling case. Thank you. And, I feel more positive about other people now too :)

I have a mantra for it, even: "I would regret not doing it, therefore I will do it."

I guess it's time to pull up that backlist of people I have a vauge interest in... ;)

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