The Santa deception: how did it affect you?

Desrtopa

I've long entertained a dubious regard for the practice of lying to children about the existence of Santa Claus. Parents might claim that it serves to make children's lives more magical and exciting, but as a general rule, children are adequately equipped to create fantasies of their own without their parents' intervention. The two reasons I suspect rest at the bottom line are adherence to tradition, and finding it cute to see one's children believing ridiculous things.

Personally, I considered this to be a rather indecent way to treat one's own children, and have sometimes wondered whether a large proportion of conspiracy theorists owe their origins to the realization that practically all the adults in the country really are conspiring to deceive children for no tangible benefit. However, since I began frequenting this site, I've been exposed to the alternate viewpoint that this realization may be good for developing rationalists, because it provides children with the experience of discovering that they hold beliefs which are wrong and absurd, and that they must reject them.

So, how did the Santa deception affect you personally? How do you think your life might have been different without it? If your parents didn't do it to you, what are your impressions on the experience of not being lied to when most other children are?

Also, I promise to upvote anyone who links to an easy to register for community of conspiracy theorists where they would not be averse to being asked the same question.

I'm shameless when it comes to securing a good education for my kid. When looking for day cares, I was on several waiting lists at the same time and on my way to work I would alternate stopping at the different places to tell them I couldn't wait to bring my kid there while I surreptitiously spied on them. So it didn't seem like that big a deal to join the parish of the Catholic school I want my daughter to go to. According to the admissions lady (who also seemed rather shameless in her matter-of-factness about the facts of admission), I should start actually attending the church (how did she know I didn't?) and tithing some small amount, to be increased substantially once admission occurs. (But the total tuition decreases, so.)

So last Sunday I went to church and brought the family, sans husband (who would not deign, even though he certainly won't want the job of carpooling across town to the next best school).

I learned an amazing thing. All of my daughter's friends were there and it was a HUGE social event for her. Really? Church? Important background information is that we had a birthday party a month ago and other than family, only one friend from school came. During the doughnuts and coffee hug-all-your-theist-friends-time, we secured a cookie decorating play date invitation at someone's house for the first time.

So this is what I've been depriving my daughter of? And I was going to send her to this school, clueless, friendless? I'm afraid -- I fear --that her religious education is about to begin in earnest. I want her to fit in. I think it would be unfair to send her to a school where she's going to be weird.

I'll just hide my cards, that as soon as she's ready I'll let her know she doesn't have to believe any of it if she doesn't want to. With me, she can absorb and reflect as much detached irony as she wants to, or be completely sincere about her religious beliefs if that's what feels right with her friends.

Wow, what a turn-coat I've turned out to be. Hopefully this is just a momentary lapse, a brief flirtation with the could-that-I-didn't. Because it is safely Tuesday and God needn't come up again until Sunday. Wait -- Christmas is on Saturday this year.

I think I'm joking. I think I just don't have a pat solution yet about what I'm going to do about this social-school-religion thingy. I just hadn't thought through what a religious school means.(Really? They go to mass on Fridays?) I thought French kids go to Catholic school, so it should be normal and ignorable. Or perhaps I should just pay the higher tuition. (How expensive are my principles, per month?) And then there is that sneaking worry there, if she'll be treated the same, and not supported as well in her education.

I feel guilty, knowing this is a small problem compared to actually being committted to a different belief system. In the sense that I have the luxury of pretending to be Catholic, if I want to.

I went to Catholic grade school from Pre-K through 5th grade. This was a mistake, but only because the local public schools were of an extremely high quality and I probably could have gotten the same, or better education for free. I assume that isn't the case for you though.

As it stands I don't feel like the Catholic religious education hindered me intellectually- at least where I attended they didn't actually try to give us evidence or arguments for why God existed: they just taught us what we were supposed to do. Stand, kneel, stand, kneel, sit, kneel, s... (read more)

2shokwave15y

An atheist friend's younger sister is being drawn into a Christian youth-group for this exact reason. I felt conflicted because on epistemic grounds, believing whatever makes you friends isn't a procedure for making truthful beliefs, but on consequentialist grounds I advised him not to talk her out of it, because her expected loss from believing in God did not outweigh the expected gain of a greatly increased social life. This sounded to him like "believing in God is good because you get friends", which I agreed earlier was not a good reason to believe in God. I retracted my advice in confusion. It really is a tough question. Which bastard attached social consequences to epistemic concerns?

0gwern15y

No kidding. BTW, it's been a while since I did any actual academic reading on the topic, but I came away with the distinct impression that the quality of the school didn't matter even a small bit as much as how much effort the student/family put into it. My own stint in a Catholic highschool reinforced this impression - for most of the kids there, it was just a big money & time sink (long commutes from all around, my own was roughly 3 hours a day). I strongly suspect that there are greater marginal returns for your daughter in other strategies like buying lots of relevant books, prodding her to use effective study strategies like spaced repetition, or a foreign exchange program. (Actually, I think foreign exchange programs are fantastic for highschoolers.) [...] There are a few ways she can make this inference. She never sees you there herself; your name is not on the tithing roster (loyal parishioners sign up to get customized envelopes for their checks; I imagine names on envelope-less checks are also recorded*); none of the other moms talk about you; lack of documentation like baptismal certificates; and so on. [...] Practically speaking, once you're in, it doesn't much matter how much you tithe. Catholic highschools as far as I can tell operate much like public ones inasmuch as you have to do badly academically or screw up before they will actually expell you or not let you return the next year (same thing). You should also ask whether your parish has a Catholic highschool scholarship. Mine did, and it helped a lot. (However, mere regular mass attendance is definitely not enough for a scholarship; they go to the kids who participate in a lot of church activities, unsurprisingly.) [...] Yup! This should perhaps not surprise you; you must have read of communities in the Midwest or the South where the church is the focus of an entire web of small groups and organizations and social connections, and teenagers need that sort of thing just as much. Depends o

30

The Santa deception: how did it affect you?

30

30

30

The Santa deception: how did it affect you?

30

30