= 27d567bc2d48d9f40e9ccc20ea370b15)
sixes_and_sevens comments on Knowing what you want is a prerequisite to getting what you want - LessWrong
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
= 783df68a0f980790206b9ea87794c5b6)
Loading…= b715d02e85f7b3b4ae65ca3d3e450868)
Subscribe to RSS Feed
Powered by Reddit
= f037147d6e6c911a85753b9abdedda8d)
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
Comments (19)
One might say being polite means not forcing other people to answer awkward questions.
Wow, you are right! For someone who is trying to be as open as I can, I sometimes forget that option. I should just say "Those kinds of questions make me uncomfortable, so I would really appreciate if you didn't ask them". Thanks!
Personally I try to avoid being involved with people who try to emotionally blackmail me into bolstering their self-esteem, but that's not a lot of help once you're already involved with them.
In that situation I'd probably try and turn it into a strategic joke by saying something like "Eugh, no...look at those horrible shapely legs and disgusting pert breasts; yuck, no way," or something to that effect. Bonus points for picking characteristics where your girlfriend has the edge.
Use this at your own risk. I take no responsibility for its efficacy.
To expand on this: the essence of politeness is to not consciously convey unpleasant thoughts, either by dodging communication on certain topics or by making use of subtext to convey them subconsciously (so as to avoid painful mutual knowledge).
A person X can, for example, turn an acquaintance Y down for a date by giving a proximal explicit reason, but do so in a subtly dismissive way that Y will subconsciously pick up on (and not ask X out again), and yet subtly enough so as not to constitute mutual knowledge of romantic rejection; Y may never consciously realize they've been rejected.
(Things get awkward when one party or the other botches such an exchange.)
Postel says you should answer awkward questions but not ask them. (Also, that you should say this girl isn't prettier than your interlocutor, but be fine when told she's prettier than you.)