No, they really don't. Most significantly because most people don't behave as consequentialists of any kind.
Most people don't consistently behave as consequentialists, but they do make consequentialist decisions some of the time, particularly in cases like this one. Consider a less extreme example. Suppose your friend Xerxes is obsessed with Beethoven - he listens to every known composition and tries to learn it, and derives great enjoyment from doing so. Your friend Ygnacio also likes classical music in general but has no specific fondness for Beethoven. While digging in your belongings, you discover a sheet of antique sheet music personally written by Beethoven. Coincidentally, Xerxes's and Ygnacio's birthdays are coming up, and this would make a good gift for either of them - but as there's only one sheet of music, only one of them can receive it. Certainly, Ygnacio would appreciate it, but Xerxes would like it much more. In such a situation, most people would give the sheet music to Xerxes, because he would enjoy it more. As for the utility monster, that's a nonsequitur in this context, because we're not talking about true (agent-neutral) utilitarianism, only about utility maximization, which is not the same thing.
Even if we ignore the type error of comparing XerxesValue and YgnacioValue
We're not comparing XerxesValue and YgnacioValue, we're comparing HowMuchYouCareAboutXerxes x XerxesValue and HowMuchYouCareAboutYgnacio x YgnacioValue, which does not produce a type error.
your decision 'should' take into account other information including things like who you gave the strawberry tarts to ten minutes ago and assorted other social transactions
If you gave the strawberry tarts to someone ten minutes ago, it is reasonable to assume that because of diminishing marginal utility, they won't value sweets as highly as they did before. But if you have reason to believe that they don't experience diminishing marginal utility, or that their diminished derived utility would still be greater than the utility derived by an alternative person, then you should give it to the person who would derive greater utility (assuming you value them equally). It's true that people don't always give all favors to the most enthusiastic person, but that is justified because it's reasonable to assume that enthusiasm isn't always a reliable indication of derived value.
(Had to edit this a million times, markup hates me.)
But if you have reason to believe that they don't experience diminishing marginal utility, or that their diminished derived utility would still be greater than the utility derived by an alternative person, then you should give it to the person who would derive greater utility (assuming you value them equally).
How do you think caring about having more allies than one affects this situation?
Followup to: Ask and Guess
Ask culture: "I'll be in town this weekend for a business trip. Is it cool if I crash at your place?" Response: “Yes“ or “no”.
Guess culture: "Hey, great news! I'll be in town this weekend for a business trip!" Response: Infer that they might be telling you this because they want something from you, conclude that they might want a place to stay, and offer your hospitality only if you want to. Otherwise, pretend you didn’t infer that.
The two basic rules of Ask Culture: 1) Ask when you want something. 2) Interpret things as requests and feel free to say "no".
The two basic rules of Guess Culture: 1) Ask for things if, and *only* if, you're confident the person will say "yes". 2) Interpret requests as expectations of "yes", and, when possible, avoid saying "no".
Both approaches come with costs and benefits. In the end, I feel pretty strongly that Ask is superior.
But these are not the only two possibilities!
"I'll be in town this weekend for a business trip. I would like to stay at your place, since it would save me the cost of a hotel, plus I would enjoy seeing you and expect we’d have some fun. I'm looking for other options, though, and would rather stay elsewhere than inconvenience you." Response: “I think I need some space this weekend. But I’d love to get a beer or something while you’re in town!” or “You should totally stay with me. I’m looking forward to it.”
There is a third alternative, and I think it's probably what rationalist communities ought to strive for. I call it "Tell Culture".
The two basic rules of Tell Culture: 1) Tell the other person what's going on in your own mind whenever you suspect you'd both benefit from them knowing. (Do NOT assume others will accurately model your mind without your help, or that it will even occur to them to ask you questions to eliminate their ignorance.) 2) Interpret things people tell you as attempts to create common knowledge for shared benefit, rather than as requests or as presumptions of compliance.
Suppose you’re in a conversation that you’re finding aversive, and you can’t figure out why. Your goal is to procure a rain check.
Here are more examples from my own life:
The burden of honesty is even greater in Tell culture than in Ask culture. To a Guess culture person, I imagine much of the above sounds passive aggressive or manipulative, much worse than the rude bluntness of mere Ask. It’s because Guess people aren’t expecting relentless truth-telling, which is exactly what’s necessary here.
If you’re occasionally dishonest and tell people you want things you don't actually care about--like their comfort or convenience--they’ll learn not to trust you, and the inherent freedom of the system will be lost. They’ll learn that you only pretend to care about them to take advantage of their reciprocity instincts, when in fact you’ll count them as having defected if they respond by stating a preference for protecting their own interests.
Tell culture is cooperation with open source codes.
This kind of trust does not develop overnight. Here is the most useful Tell tactic I know of for developing that trust with a native Ask or Guess. It’s saved me sooooo much time and trouble, and I wish I’d thought of it earlier.
"I'm not asking because I expect you to say ‘yes’. I'm asking because I'm having trouble imagining the inside of your head, and I want to understand better. You are completely free to say ‘no’, or to tell me what you’re thinking right now, and I promise it will be fine." It is amazing how often people quickly stop looking shifty and say 'no' after this, or better yet begin to discuss further details.