Schelling Day is a holiday about getting to know the people in your community that we created and celebrated in 2013. By popular request, I've revised the procedure to take into account what we learned last year. I'm aware of plans to hold Schelling Day in Boston, New York, and San Francisco on April 16. (Not 14, because of the conflict with Passover, which is also a major community event for many people.) I'd love to know of any additional celebrations that you guys hold.

Last year's event played a part in the Boston group’s development into a closer and more caring community. Sharing the things you want to share, and receiving compassion and understanding from the group, turns out to be extremely powerful evidence that it’s safe to share important things with the group—and as it turns out, brains update if you give them good evidence.

Schelling Day

If necessary, split into groups of no more than 10-15 people. Each group gathers and sits in a circle. At the center is a table. On the table are four small bowls of delicious snacks. Eating the delicious snacks at this stage is VERBOTEN. There is also a single large, empty bowl.

Everyone will have a six-sided die.

Everyone will have a chance to speak, or to not speak. When it’s your turn, roll your die. Showing the result to others is VERBOTEN.

If your die shows a six, you MUST speak. If your die shows a one, you MUST NOT speak. Otherwise, you choose whether or not to speak. The die is to provide plausible deniability. Attempting to guess whether someone’s decision was forced by the die roll is VERBOTEN. 

If you speak, take up to five minutes[1] to tell the group something important about yourself. Then, choose at least one of the categories below that matches what you said. Scoop a small amount of the corresponding delicious snack from the small bowls into the central bowl. (If you want, you can use these categories for inspiration, but don’t let them restrict you from saying something that matters.)

Struggles (Chocolate):

Challenges, burdens, things you’re tired of hiding, etc.

Joys (Raspberries):

Passions, guilty pleasures, “I love you guys” speeches, etc.

Background (Grapes):

Who you are, where you came from, why you are the way you are, etc.

Other (Blueberries):

Because trying to make an exhaustive list would be silly.

People in the group now have an opportunity to empathize. This is not a time to offer suggestions or critique; this is a time to connect with another human’s emotions.[2]  The speaker can choose to agree with or to correct people’s perceptions, if they wish. Keep reactions brief and focused on the speaker’s experience. Try not to have more than 2-3 reactions per speaker.

After the group’s reactions, or after you choose not to speak, the person to your left rolls their die and the process repeats.

Once everyone has had a chance to speak or not, the round is over. Shake hands with the people on either side of you and take five minutes to stretch. Then do the same thing again, beginning across the circle from where the previous round started. (e.g., if there are ten people, then start with the person who spoke fifth or sixth last time.)

After that, take five minutes to stretch, then begin the BONUS ROUND.

The BONUS ROUND is like the first two rounds, with one exception. If you haven’t spoken yet, do not roll your die. You MUST speak.

When the BONUS ROUND finishes, pass around the bowl of snacks assembled from the accumulated revelations and eat them. As this is happening, people will talk about how they felt during the ritual and how they feel at this moment. Once people have shared their reactions, or once all the snacks are eaten, Schelling Day is over. There is one final group hug, and then everyone goes home.[3]

[1] The facilitator will use a timer. We’re not trying to be jerks, but we want to keep things moving.

[2] If you’re familiar with Nonviolent Communication (NVC), that will give you a sense of what to do here. Some templates you might use:

“When you said that [repetition of what they said] I imagined that you were [guessed feeling] because you want [guessed need].” E.g., “When you said that were struggling to make it, I imagined that you feel desperate because you want stability and security.”

“When you were talking, I noticed that [observation of what you noticed them do] and I sensed that you were [guessed feeling] because you long for [guessed need].” E.g., “When you were talking, I noticed that you were rocking slightly back and forth, and I sensed that you had a lot of contained frustration inside you. I imagine the frustration comes from that you want help and you aren't getting that, and it's contained maybe because you fear that lashing out will make things worse.”

[3] Hanging out after the hug is VERBOTEN—remember the peak-end rule! If you want to eat a meal together, you could do it before the event starts. (Potlucks are good, since people get to visibly contribute to the group.) If you absolutely must do something with the same people, then do it in a different location. Convince your System 1 that Schelling Day is over, and now you’re doing something else.

Discussion article for the meetup : Bay Area Solstice

Discussion article for the meetup : Bay Area Solstice

In Keep Your Identity Small, Paul Graham argues against associating yourself with labels (i.e. “libertarian,” “feminist,” “gamer,” “American”) because labels constrain what you’ll let yourself believe. It’s a wonderful essay that’s led me to make concrete changes in my life. That said, it’s only about 90% correct. I have two issues with Graham’s argument; one is a semantic quibble, but it leads into the bigger issue, which is a tactic I’ve used to become a better person.

Graham talks about the importance of identity in determining beliefs. This isn’t quite the right framework. I’m a fanatical consequentialist, so I care what actions people take. Beliefs can constrain actions, but identity can also constrain actions directly.

To give a trivial example from the past week in which beliefs didn’t matter: I had a self-image as someone who didn’t wear jeans or t-shirts. As it happens, there are times when wearing jeans is completely fine, and when other people wore jeans in casual settings, I knew it was appropriate. Nevertheless, I wasn’t able to act on this belief because of my identity. (I finally realized this was silly, consciously discarded that useless bit of identity, and made a point of wearing jeans to a social event.)

Why is this distinction important? If we’re looking at identify from an action-centered framework, this recommends a different approach from Graham’s.

Do you want to constrain your beliefs? No; you want to go wherever the evidence pushes you. “If X is true, I desire to believe that X is true. If X is not true, I desire to believe that X is not true.” Identity will only get in the way.

Do you want to constrain your actions? Yes! Ten thousand times yes! Akrasia exists. Commitment devices are useful. Beeminder is successful. Identity is one of the most effective tools for the job, if you wield it deliberately.

I’ve cultivated an identity as a person who makes events happen. It took months to instill, but now, when I think “I wish people were doing X,” I instinctively start putting together a group to do X. This manifests in minor ways, like the tree-climbing expedition I put together at the Effective Altruism Summit, and in big ways, like the megameetup we held in Boston. If I hadn’t used my identity to motivate myself, neither of those things would’ve happened, and my life would be poorer.

Identity is powerful. Powerful things are dangerous, like backhoes and bandsaws. People use them anyway, because sometimes they’re the best tools for the job, and because safety precautions can minimize the danger.

Identity is hard to change. Identity can be difficult to notice. Identity has unintended consequences. Use this tool only after careful deliberation. What would this identity do to your actions? What would it do to your beliefs? What social consequences would it have? Can you do the same thing with a less dangerous tool? Think twice, and then think again, before you add to your identity. Most identities are a hindrance.

But please, don’t discard this tool just because some things might go wrong. If you are willful, and careful, and wise, then you can cultivate the identity of the person you always wanted to be.

WHEN: 25 August 2013 02:00:00PM (-0400)

WHEN: 11 August 2013 02:00:00PM (-0400)

Discussion article for the meetup : [Boston] Goal Factoring

Discussion article for the meetup : [Boston] Goal Factoring