How do you solve interpersonal problems when neither sides can see themselves as the one in fault?

I've had a a fight with my sister regarding my birthday present. She bought me - boosted with a contribution of my mom and dad - a bunch of clothes. I naturally got mad because: 1. it's a large investment for an unsafe return (my disappointment) 2. I always hated getting clothes for my birthday and the trend haven't changed. I always just asked for money instead.

It has caused a little bit of bitterness. I understand her point of view, which was to make me happy on my birthday but I still can't excuse the invalidity of the function she was using, especially considering that I previously mentioned that I hate clothes for birthday.

What should I do in order to ease the situation? Also, do you think that my reaction was inappropriate?

I talked about this with other people and what people said was 'it's the intention that matters' and that sounds like an excuse (and at this point I'm curious if I actually am looking for criticism or just subconsciously hoping I'll get a bunch of chocolate frogs) so get the best criticism you can give.

1. Validity of altruism

Lesons from India

People self reported money and jobs as more important than health

Quite a few times we asked impoverished people what they most desired or what they thought would improve their happiness most. The most common answer we got was the desire for employment or a better job. People's happiness seemed to vary a lot depending on their job and it also came up a lot in general conversations. The second and third most common things we heard were money and food. We almost never heard about health issues or loss of family members due to health concerns.

-Charity entrepreneurship

2. Challenging popular criticisms of Hinduism

This week a friend challenged my appreciation for the Hindu caste system alleging that lower caste people are servile. They may literally be servants in some cases, but they servile treatment, subsistence payment or slavery are incompatible with Hindu scripture (Sections IV.1 through IV.6, Manusmriti) which explitly disapproves of that means of survival for those those in what approximates the 'working stage' of one's life in English: 'Shvavritti' which means doglike subsistence, servitude or slavery. Others have probably explained this better elsewhere but I haven't checked.

Even then, the system is opt-out. Anyone can become a renunciate who are beyond caste.

He also raised the tension between moksha and ideals of liberation, and the explicit moral values of pleasure and wealth that are also Hindu cannon. Wikipedia resolves this succintly:

Other Indian texts state the same answer to tension between "pursue wealth and love" versus "renounce everything" Purusarthas, but using different words. Isa Upanishad, for example, states "act and enjoy with renunciation, do not covet"

His final point wasn't a criticism, but the assertion that there is a unity between all religions. Religion is generally faith based, but Hinduism is not. Wikipedia again:

Vivekachudamani, which literally means 'Crown Jewel of Discriminatory Reasoning', is a book devoted to moksa in Vedanta philosophy. It explains what behaviors and pursuits lead to moksha, as well what actions and assumptions hinder moksha. The four essential conditions, according to Vivekachudamani, before one can commence on the path of moksha include (1) vivekah (discrimination, critical reasoning) between everlasting principles and fleeting world; (2) viragah (indifference, lack of craving) for material rewards; (3) samah (calmness of mind), and (4) damah (self restraint, temperance). The Brahmasutrabhasya adds to the above four requirements, the following: uparati (lack of bias, dispassion), titiksa (endurance, patience), sraddha (faith) and samadhana (intentness, commitment).

...

The value and appeal of the Mahabharata is not as much in its complex and rushed presentation of metaphysics in the 12th book, claims Ingall, because Indian metaphysics is more eloquently presented in other Sanskrit scriptures; the appeal of Mahabharata, like Ramayana, is in its presentation of a series of moral problems and life situations, to which there are usually three answers given, according to Ingall: one answer is of Bhima, which is the answer of brute force, an individual angle representing materialism, egoism, and self; the second answer is of Yudhishthira, which is always an appeal to piety and gods, of social virtue and of tradition; the third answer is of introspective Arjuna, which falls between the two extremes, and who, claims Ingall, symbolically reveals the finest moral qualities of man. The Epics of Hinduism are a symbolic treatise about life, virtues, customs, morals, ethics, law, and other aspects of Dharma.[49] There is extensive discussion of Dharma at the individual level in the Epics of Hinduism, observes Ingall; for example, on free will versus destiny, when and why human beings believe in either, ultimately concluding that the strong and prosperous naturally uphold free will, while those facing grief or frustration naturally lean towards destiny. The Epics of Hinduism illustrate various aspects of Dharma, they are a means of communicating Dharma with metaphors.

2. Update on my love/sex life

She asked me why I don't have a girlfriend and other such questions. I reciprocated and she answered very candidly. I could even ask her if she had ever cheated on anyone, eventually, and she said yes. She asked me many a time if I am shy, and why I am shy, and if I am shy with her, and eventually I just took the hint and brought her closer as we sat at the banks of the river. When we walked away we walked hand in hand. The next night I escalated to asking her if she wanted to kiss me. She said I don't know, or something like that. I said, 'I want to kiss you' to which she said 'then do it' and I did, many a time after that. One time I said I want to make a porno jokingly, after the context was raised, and she said then make one with your roommate (she is my roommate too). But, I am still shy to take that hint, but another time I did get to rub her torso after to started rubbing my ... pant area. I asked her what she likes about me and she only said my skin colour and my teeth :/ Okay enough back story.

I wanted to recommend she applied for graphic design and video editing work which she is talented in, since she isn't sure what she can do career-wise, but now it's too late. I wanted to watch I, origins with her since it reflects our story. But now it's too late. I wanted to watch her favourite movie: 'one day' with her, which also reflects our story, but not it's too late. I wanted to hand write her a letter, but now it's too late. I wanted to suprise her after or during work, but now it's too late. I want to share with her 6/7 major secrets (the 7th being my passwords...), to show her how looked as a kit, and to 'dine at the y' but not it's too late. She pushed away when I sent her a goodmorning text, with a love heart at the end. I think she just wanted a casual hookup. At least I stopped jerking off :) Lately I felt undeserving of the experience. This cheered me up.

My social worker tells me that it's not so much the negative in this situation (since it's better than nothing, and previously) but the uncertainty that is stressful. Now having accepted that, I feel much better.

4. misc

• 'Get it together you pussy'

• I'd guess that some otherwise inexplicable acts of gregarious violence can be explained by individual-social misalignment in terms of honour vs dignity culture

• Do you have behavioural/competency based question preprepared answersl

• A reference class databse would help would [reference class forecasting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Referenceclassforecasting. Any expedient options?

• How I have been rationalising a lack of social esteem:

"Many of the bravest never are known, and get no praise. That does not lessen their beauty, though perhaps it makes them harder, for we all like sympathy," and Dr. Alec sighed a patient sort of sigh.

• If you are interested in ISKON, search up ritvikism

• Not long after I met her she said I was childish so I started acting less playful, not she says I'm like a teenagerl. I don't get it. What's up with this?

As a lecturer recently said:

• take comments in the spiritu of helpfulness

Other things I want to adapt to now:

• recognise motive attribution asymmetry

Other action steps: Tell her I just want to have fun, play around, have xxx or something like that. It could be a god consolation prize. On the other hand, she said she would only have sex with a boyfriend early on. But, maybe I can still DATY or 'just the tip' which are opportunities I value highly since they 'can't be bought', at least safely or inexpensively that is...

Also I've forgotten that relationship based goals are destructive cause they assume we can control another person. So, vanquished!

I moved close to the city because research says that distance from work is one of the highest determinants of happiness, but I don't feel THAT much happier because of that, once accounting for other reasons I'm happy after the move. So now, I’m gonna hold off on making an income goal of 40,000 dollars a year after all monetary goals and minding doesn’t make us happier.

5. Personality disorder recovery log

Right now my mental health diagnosis is personality disorder not otherwhere specified which basically means I relate to people in abnormal ways but clinicians aren't sure how to label it. This section is for insights that seem useful to me, and that I would appreciate comment on. I seem to have depressive cognition like depressive personality disorder, self defeating (masochistic) traits, avoidant, borderline traits and narcissistic traits - not very proud of all that...well maybe a little ;) Clinicians tend to believe that it's more a cluster B personality disorder though.

• Don't let others create meaning for you. Decide what meaning they will have for you
• If somone scowls at you maybe they're not scowling at somethng about you just maybe having a bad day
• Learn healthy anger
• Idealisation causes high expectation causes not enough individual responsibility on my part in a relationship
• I assume people are 'fragile' and can't handle things like accusations and anger and emotionally charged conversations, like me...falsely

• I've been recommended for cognitive analytic therapy and psychodynamic therapy - more so the latter.

• are women childish?

The utility of money is sometimes claimed to be logarithmic.

More generally it's that the marginal utility of money decreases, making buying insurance potentially an expected gain in utils even when the expectation of financial gain is negative.

Buying insurance is rational for low chance, high cost (i.e. bigger than what you have in your bank account at the moment) risks. It is not rational for low cost risks, like loosing your phone, unless you tend to loose your phone more often than insurance companies accounts for.

Simple hypothesis relating to Why Don't Rationalists Win:

Everyone has some collection of skills and abilities, including things like charisma, luck, rationality, determination, networking ability, etc. Each person's success is limited by constraints related to these abilities, in the same way that an application's performance is limited by the CPU speed, RAM, disk speed, networking speed, etc of the machine(s) it runs on. But just as for many applications the performance bottleneck isn't CPU speed, for most people the success bottleneck isn't rationality.

Simple hypothesis relating to Why Don't Rationalists Win:

Everyone has some collection of skills and abilities, including things like charisma, luck, rationality, determination, networking ability, etc. Each person's success is limited by constraints related to these abilities, in the same way that an application's performance is limited by the CPU speed, RAM, disk speed, networking speed, etc of the machine(s) it runs on. But just as for many applications the performance bottleneck isn't CPU speed, for most people the success bottleneck isn't rationality.

I'll be scared, when they do Counter Strike.

2: All identical consciousnesses measures as 1 in anthropics . So if we have set of consciousness: 1xA,1xB and 1000000xC, it is still 1/3 chance, to perceive being C.

Why do you take this assumption? It depends on the relative measure of the consciousnesses. Each one is equally likely and occur at equal measure across the multiverse (or at least, quantum physics strongly hints that they do), if one timeline leads to A, another leads to B, and 1000000 others lead to C, the odds of finding yourself with C are 1000000:2. This does not seem controversial.

Imagine a cosnciousness as a binary string. If I told you that you were being assigned 1000002 binary strings, and that all but two of them were the pattern C, why would you not expect C?

I don't get #2 - you need a better description of "measures as" in order to dissolve this question.

I suspect (but am not sure - it'll depend on your measurements) you'll also need to be very careful to distinguish "identical" from "very similar". If two consciousnesses are in different Everett branches, there is something distinct about them and they're not identical.

The truth is that we don't know.

First, both assumptions may be false.

For example, "many worlds" is over simplification of the Everett's theory. In the last one only Schrodinger function exists, and it is complex, not real, which prevent us from numerical calculating of the number of the worlds and observers. Quantum anthropic becomes difficult. I am now reading an article on the topic, and hope to understand it better. http://arxiv.org/pdf/1405.7577v3.pdf "Self-Locating Uncertainty and the Origin of Probability in Everettian Quantum Mechanics".

Number 2 will result in catastrophic consequences for my future. Because I have only one normal next moment - there I will continue to write this comment, and thousands on unpleasant next moments, there something disruptive will happen with me, most of them will be different catastrophic events - a plane would hit my house, and so on.

I think that different way of calculating measure should be used, where measure is proportional to the energy of calculations. This idea imply existence of minimal "plank observer", and all other observers are interoperated as number parallely running plank observers. This number could help to distinguish between measure of existence of different copies of me, if they are running on different computers.

It does not solve your problem unfortunately, because here we have two completely different types of carriers.