Maybe your point is that emotional empathy feels morally significant and when we act on it, we can feel that we fulfilled our moral obligations.
This actually has a name. It's called moral licensing.
Yes, emotional empathy does not optimize effective altruism, or your moral idea of good. But this is true of lots of emotions, desires and behaviors, including morally significant ones. You're singling out emotional empathy, but what makes it special?
I agree with you that nothing makes them special. But you seem to view this as a reductio ad absurdum. Doing the same for all other emotions which might bias us or get in the way of doing what’s moral would not lead to a balanced lifestyle, to say the least.
But we could just as easily bite that bullet. Why should we expect optimizing purely for morality to lead to a balanced lifestyle? Why wouldn’t the 80/20 rule apply to moral concerns? Under this view, one would do best to amputate most parts of one’s mind that made them human, and add parts to become a morality maximizer.
Obviously this would cause serious problems in reality, and may not actually be the best way to maximize morality even if it was possible. This is just a sort of spherical cow in a vacuum level concept.
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Perhaps I should have been more specific than to use a vague term like "morality". Replace it with CEV, since that should be the sum total of all your values.
Most people value happiness, so let me use that as an example. Even if I value own happiness 1000x more than other people's happiness, if there are more than 1000 people in the word, then the vast majority of my concern for happiness is still external to myself. One could do this same calculation for all other values, and add them up to get CEV, which is likely to be weighted toward others for the same reason that happiness is.
Of course, perhaps some people legitimately would prefer 3^^^3 dust specs in people's eyes to their own death. And perhaps some people's values aren't coherent, such as preferring A to B, B to C, and C to A. But if neither of these is the case, then replacing one's self with a more efficient agent maximizing the same values should be a net gain in most cases.
I don't believe a CEV exists or, if it does, that I would like it very much. Both were poorly supported assumptions of the CEV paper. For related reasons, as the Wiki says, "Yudkowsky considered CEV obsolete almost immediately after its publication in 2004". I'm not sure why people keep discussing CEV (Nick Tarleton, and other links on the Wiki page) but I assume there are good reasons.
That doesn't sound like CEV at all. CEV is about extrapolating new values which may not be held by any actual humans. Not (just) about summing or averaging the values humans already hold.
Getting back to happiness: it's easy to say we should increase happiness, all else being equal. It's not so obvious that we should increase it at the expense of other things, or by how much. I don't think happiness is substantially different in this case from morality.