The example that comes to mind to show the how the sex thing isn't a problem is that of a robot car with a goal to drive as many miles as possible. Every day it will burn through all its fuel and fuel up. Right after it fuels up, it will have no desire for further fuel - more fuel simply does not help it go further at this point, and forcing it can be detrimental. Clearly not contradictory
You could have a similar situation with a couple wanting sex iff they haven't had sex in a day, or wanting an orange if you've just eaten an apple but wanting an apple if you've just eaten an orange.
To strictly show that something violates vNM axioms, you'd have to show that this behavior (in context) can't be fulfilling any preferences better than other options that the agent is aware of - or at least be able to argue that the revealed utility function is contrived and unlikely to hold up in other situations (not what the agent "really wants").
Constantly wanting what one doesn't have can have this defect. If I keep paying you to switch my apple for your orange and back (without actually eating either), then you have a decent case, if you're pretty confident I'm not actually fulfilling my desire to troll you ;)
The "want's a relationship when single" and "wants to be single when not" thing does look like such a violation to me. If you let him flip flop as often as he desires, he's not going to end up happily endorsing his past actions. If you offered him a pill that would prevent him from flip flopping, he very well may take it. So there's a contradiction there.
To bring human-specific psychology into it, its not that his inherent desires are contradictory, but that he wants something like "freedom", which he doesn't know how to get in a relationship and something like "intimacy", which he doesn't know how to get while single. It's not that he want's intimacy when single and freedom when not, it's that he wants both always, but the unfulfilled need is the salient one.
Picture me standing on your left foot. "Oww! Get off my left foot!". Then I switch to the right "Ahh! Get off my right foot!". If you're not very quick and/or the pain is overwhelming, it might take you a few iterations to realize the situation you're in and to put the pain aside while you think of a way to get me off both feet (intimacy when single/freedom in a relationship). Or if you can't have that, it's another challenge to figure out what you want to do about it.
I wouldn't model you as "just VNM-irrational", even if your external behaviors are ineffective for everything you might want. I'd model you as "not knowing how to be VNM-rational in presence of strong pain(s)", and would expect you to start behaving more effectively when shown how.
(and that is what I find, although showing someone how to be more rational is not trivial and "here's a proof of the inconsistency of your actions now pick a side and stop feeling the desire for the other side" is almost never sufficient. You have to be able to model the specific way that they're stuck and meet them there)
tl;dr: We're not VNM-rational because we don't know how to be, not because it's not something we're trying to do.
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If you have one less child, the next generation would use one person's less worth of resources, and would therefore be able to support its population in marginally more comfort. Everyone else will have marginally more children because their children can be supported in marginally more comfort, which will wipe out most of the change from having one less child yourself.
To clarify, I'm asking about "sex-ratio effects" (which are always important) and not "resource effects" (which only matter when reproduction is resource-limited).