It's still more elegant

I am not arguing. But 'elegant' is different from 'canon'

For the formal release, I hope you're planning to follow the show and HPMoR in serializing it and posting just one chapter a week at an identical time.

Does it increase readership?

AI Ponies: Magic is Optimization

Is it some sort of SEO trick? Because it doesn't sound like a better name otherwise.

Is Hanna an autistic savant of some kind?

I don't get why.

Hófvarpnir is from Norse mythology, which makes sense in the context of their first project and kind of foreshadowing of their next one. I like how it turned out, and I learned a bit about Norse mythology because of that.

First: For the formal release, I hope you're planning to follow the show and HPMoR in serializing it and posting just one chapter a week at an identical time. You could lock the Google Docs copy.

Posting some early and/or superficial thoughts. TW for sarcasm and ableism.

Is the title negotiable? I like the ring of "AI Ponies: Magic is Optimization".

The summary seems important, since you have to stand out in an ocean of bad fics (even featured ones) and pull a prospective reader from zero to nonzero involvement.

Hanna, the CEO

Doesn't a CEO merit a surname?

of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO.

Why are they called Hofvarpnir if they had nothing to do with ponies before?

She had better hurry; a US military contractor is developing weapons based on her artificial intelligence technology, which just may destroy the world.

Be Hanna. Singlehandedly create world-destroying technology while grunts are busy making licensed crap for corporate overlords. Give technology to military contractor. Crap, you just gave world-destroying technology to a military contractor! What do? Hasbro awards MMO contract. Yes! With this MMO contract you can save the world!

I know it has to be concise, but it seems a little disjointed. Also, how does "AI technology" differ from an AI itself just waiting to be run? What kind of weapons do you develop from that?

Hanna has built an A.I. Princess Celestia

So disregard the last sentence, the race is already won?

and given her one basic drive: to satisfy values

Her values are to satisfy values?

through friendship and ponies.

Is Hanna an autistic savant of some kind?

I'm glad other people have talked about punching up the prologue; it was quite the slow start when I looked at it earlier. I may or may not comment more later.

First: For the formal release, I hope you're planning to follow the show and HPMoR in serializing it and posting just one chapter a week at an identical time. You could lock the Google Docs copy.

Posting some early and/or superficial thoughts. TW for sarcasm and ableism.

Is the title negotiable? I like the ring of "AI Ponies: Magic is Optimization".

The summary seems important, since you have to stand out in an ocean of bad fics (even featured ones) and pull a prospective reader from zero to nonzero involvement.

Hanna, the CEO

Doesn't a CEO merit a surname?

of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO.

Why are they called Hofvarpnir if they had nothing to do with ponies before?

She had better hurry; a US military contractor is developing weapons based on her artificial intelligence technology, which just may destroy the world.

Be Hanna. Singlehandedly create world-destroying technology while grunts are busy making licensed crap for corporate overlords. Give technology to military contractor. Crap, you just gave world-destroying technology to a military contractor! What do? Hasbro awards MMO contract. Yes! With this MMO contract you can save the world!

I know it has to be concise, but it seems a little disjointed. Also, how does "AI technology" differ from an AI itself just waiting to be run? What kind of weapons do you develop from that?

Hanna has built an A.I. Princess Celestia

So disregard the last sentence, the race is already won?

and given her one basic drive: to satisfy values

Her values are to satisfy values?

through friendship and ponies.

Is Hanna an autistic savant of some kind?

I'm glad other people have talked about punching up the prologue; it was quite the slow start when I looked at it earlier. I may or may not comment more later.

I have stuff to do right now, but I'm hoping to come back soon and post my thoughts so far. The blurb and the first few paragraphs make me cringe at the thought of this being posted more widely in its present state.

I have stuff to do right now, but I'm hoping to come back soon and post my thoughts so far. The blurb and the first few paragraphs make me cringe at the thought of this being posted more widely in its present state.