IME, the absence of self-rejection isn't actually self-acceptance. Not rejecting yourself is great, don't get me wrong! (And you're not going to get self-acceptance without getting rid of self-rejection!) But I would say that self-acceptance is anything you do that produces the experience of being accepted or belonging, or even being deeply understood (and then not-rejected).

Like, "acceptance" is an inner state, but just because you are accepting of someone doesn't make them feel accepted. You have to actually do something that demonstrates the acceptance, as if your self were another human being you were relating to, by showing in word and deed that you both 1) understand the part of them they're rejecting, and 2) are cool with it.

(To be fair, the context I'm talking about this in, is the thing where people grow up feeling like outsiders who nobody likes or nobody stands up for. If this isn't a description of your early life, you may already have enough inner experience of "having people on my side" that this isn't an issue for you, and absence of specific self-rejection might indeed be enough for self-acceptance.)

Which are these workshop recordings you're talking about?

The ones in my membership site. There's rather a lot of them.

Eh, I wouldn't say you're necessarily not a coach, in the same way that an emu or ostrich isn't not a bird, it's just that I don't think your approach is a central example of the genre. Short-term coaches do exist, after all, just like flightless birds.

If you're asking from a marketing perspective, I wouldn't use consultant or practitioner, I'd either say "specialist" or "coach", i.e. secure attachment specialist or secure attachment coach. If you hardly ever work with anyone for very long or only work with people to solve a specific problem, I'd lean towards specialist. (Then again, I'm not sure I'd say "secure attachment" unless the people you work with already know that term and are looking for that. But I'm not the best person to ask marketing questions, anyway.)

I mean, technically I have some clients who only stick around for a few months, but they're sorta not clients - they're the people who basically binge-watch my workshop recordings and figure stuff out for themselves, then say okthanxbye. There's not very many of them and they always seem really happy and seem to have only had one or two things they needed to figure out, and maybe only needed 1-2 calls with me to get clear on how to do something from the materials. I suppose it might be interesting to do a long-term followup with some of them, but I can only think of 2-3 people who ever did it that way.

It's the idea that a coach is someone that resolves one specific issue that's actually weird here, no offense intended. ;-) If all one does is address one specific issue, they fall more under the umbrella of either "consultants" or therapeutic "practitioners" (such as hypnotherapists, NLP practitioners and so on).

While coaches often practice some of these modalities or methods as part of coaching, it's not at all the same thing. (But of course a practitioner can still call themselves a coach, and there's probably been a lot more bleedover in recent years.)

But in the broadest sense, the idea of a coach is to provide you with an outside view combined with specialized knowledge or skills, to help you be more successful through advice and feedback (possibly including accountability), often combined with inspiration, encouragement, or some other parasocial relationship aspects (such as being an example to aspire to or look up to, someone whose approval you want to earn, etc.). This definition encompasses sports/athletic coaches, executive coaches, life coaches, health coaches, etc., which is the approximate historical evolution of the field I believe.

(Notice, btw, that nearly all of these names imply you keep the coach for as long as you want to do well in sports, be an executive, have a great life or good health, etc. That's the job!)

It's true nowadays that there are many coaches with narrower or more problem-oriented foci, like e.g. different health coaches may work on either specific goals vs. specific health problems. In general coaches who help with goals work with people longer than ones who help with problems, unless of course the problem is chronic or difficult to solve.

Things are made more complicated by the fact that you can pretty much do or call yourself whatever you want, assuming it works! I used to call myself a "mindhacking instructor" because I wanted to avoid certain aspects of the coach concept, and then basically realized at some point 1) nobody knows WTF a mindhacking instructor is, and 2) it was just ego on my part anyway. (While it's true I do more instruction than anything else, that's still part of coaching, so I was just being a semantic nitpicker not wanting to be in the same category as certain people calling themselves coaches or claiming to sell coaching.)

Anyway. It's certainly the case that there exist coaches who specialize in short term actions and one-offs, but in general I'd say if there's no relationship aspect to what you're doing, you're probably not a coach, but a consultant or practitioner of some kind, more akin to a hypnotherapist or a specialist in NLP, EFT, or some other change modality. Such people don't really have relationships with their clients, as they're more problem-solvers rather than people-helpers.

Yeah - that's maybe a better way to put it. Coaches are people-helpers who can also solve problems or practice some particular Art. Practitioners just practice their Art. I used to try to define myself in the latter category, then ultimately realized that a lot of what goes into long-term change and personal growth is actually social in an incredibly fundamental and inherent way.

For some kinds of change, for example, the experience of having "someone on my side in this" or "someone who believes I can do this" is absolutely critical, and a coach may literally be the only person in your life who can give that to you, especially with problems you're experiencing shame or feelings of inadequacy about. In that context, trying to cut the process as short as possible is about the worst possible thing one can do, if it implies that the person is not worth the effort (e.g. if their experience of life has been that nobody gives a crap about them, everybody leaves/gives up on them, etc.).

I've been a bit confused by this post, but it's probably because I've never really done such short-term work with people; mostly I work with people on things that require one or more years of sustained effort across dozens of individual "breakthroughs" to reshape their life or personality the way they want (though of course they are getting incremental improvements all along the way).

So the idea of asking somebody a year after they're done seems weird to me, as why would the year after their last year be different than the year after their first? (And when I do hear from people a year or more later, it's nearly always to refer a friend or to work on something that's come up in the context of a new job, project, business, etc., usually with little relation to past work.)

Still, when someone gets excited about a breakthrough, I usually caution them that we won't know for a couple months whether it sticks (IME most fallbacks happen within 6-8 weeks). OTOH, when someone is skeptical about a breakthrough that's only a slight change to their automatic feeling response, I usually remind them that progress is progress, and that less dramatic changes are less likely to revert.

IOW, assuming a slight regression to the mean + cautious optimism is the best frame. (Two steps up and one step back is a meme for a reason!)

Also, in my experience, the "real" (i.e. most sticky) breakthroughs feel more like grief and regrets and loss than they do "exciting new breakthrough". The feeling is more like, "oh f*** I could have been doing things differently all this time, I didn't need to do XYZ or avoid ABC, crap!" (Or sometimes, it's just realizing how messed up some of the things that happened to you actually are.)

I think these types of changes stick better because the feelings are more reflective of "shift in values / perspective / actually seeing things in a new light" than "excitement about an idea in the present moment." This applies to me too, because I tend to get very excited when I spot where some of my behavior or feelings are coming from, and then forget to do the painful part that results in the actual perspective shift!

In such cases the problem comes "back" (not that it ever really left) within days, rather than weeks. Luckily I don't usually make that mistake with clients, as I have notes that keep me on track so I don't forget to pop the stack in session (and because any excitement is an obvious reminder we're probably not finished). But when i do stuff on myself I'm often just walking or standing around with no tracking of any sort.

tl;dr: being excited about a change is overall a bad sign for its longevity. The most positive signs are surprise (or sudden inspiration to actualy do something), grief/loss/sadness, or relief/release. (Not necessarily in that order)

afterthought: one of the reasons insight breakthroughs are more likely to fail is that more often than not, they represent an intellectual understanding that must be realized in action in order to benefit from, but most of the people i work with are working with me precisely because "intentions into actions" is the thing they have problems with. It's like, now you have even more ideas you have difficulty implementing, great. ;-) So it sticks for as long as they can maintain enthusiasm (2-3 weeks) then forget about it for another few weeks before something reminds them of the problem again (around 6-8 weeks).

But you can also have genuine breakthroughs (automatic feeling/behavior shifts, not intellectual ones) that revert around that time, but in that case it's usually a reinforcement/equilibrium of forces/"ecology" issue. For example, I once had a client who had made many improvements to his workflow to reduce stress... only to abandon those changes after a couple months. Turns out his family believed that if you're not stressed, you must not be doing anything very important/high status. So his new stress-reducing -- aka status-lowering -- workflow changes always felt subliminally wrong and uncomfortable until he shrugged them off again.

Anyway, I'm mighty curious about how these indicators and timeframes mesh (or don't) with others' experiences and practices. (And now that I've thought about detailed instances of specific personal and client cases, I'm realizing my 6-8 weeks is an outside limit, like 90-95th percentile? I think the median for things coming back is a lot lower, and my measurement might be skewed upward by how many weeks usually occur between sessions. IOW, probably half of everything that's going to come back does so within 3 weeks. So I say a couple months to be on the safe side, because the reinforce-extinguish patterns can take that long sometimes, even if it's not that often they actually do. (And partly because I now have tricks I use to try to identify them ahead of time.)

More diplomatically: people are terrified of disapproval and will do anything to avoid feeling they deserve it, so if you must point out that something isn't working, try to do so in such a way that the easiest way for them to resolve their cognitive dissonance isn't "blow you off" or "get mad at you". i.e., find a way for them to "save face".

(As a lot of people associate being incorrect with being deserving of disapproval.)

More specifically, the issue is that the img srcset attribute contains unescaped commas, causing the URLs to be broken. Deleting the srcset attributes fixes the image, or replacing all the f_auto, q_auto bits in the srcset with f_auto%2cq_auto fixes it.

It looks like maybe this is a bug in LW's support for uploaded images?

I expect business and sales people would mostly not feel similarly, though to be fair it's uncommon for business friendships/acquaintances to reach "best friend" or better status. The vibe of somebody putting you in a CRM to stay in touch without any direct/immediate monetary benefit is like, "oh, how thoughtful of you / props for being organized / I should really be doing that".

Anyway, the important question isn't how most people would feel, it's how one's desired friends in particular would feel. And many people might feel things like "honored this busy person with lots of friends wants to upgrade our friendship and is taking action to make sure it happens -- how awesome".