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You seem to have a not-good-enough meta-identity. A problem with this one is that even when you generate counterexamples, it can declare the counterexamples not to be good enough. E.g. "sure, I learned a new tango move today, but I could have done it faster!". How does the "fifth order of consciousness" approach work?
Akrasia and Immunity to change
Does any of you has any relevant experience that you can share with Immunity to change by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey?
I'm currently reading their book and I find it fascinating.
Here is a HBR article titled The Real Reason People Won’t Change that describes the work.
Yeah, the Insufficient mindset is a very limiting identity. The tango experience was more like... "X months have passed and I'm still not able to compose a dance with the moves I know" morphing into "I can compose but it's too linear" morphing into "I can compose but I have a lot of decision points" morphing into "to hell with good enough. what is important is to have fun" and ending up with me dancing in a tango flash mob in a subway station. :)
How does the "fifth order of consciousness" approach work?
Everyone needs a philosophy of life, a way of being into this world. Mine is one inspired by the way Tolstoy interpreted the teachings of Jesus. In short, morality is redefined as the continuous movement towards an ideal of perfection with the full understanding that you will never be able to reach it. My perfection ideal is the ideal of the Jedi. It has 3 components: emotional regulation (Emotions, yet Peace), rationality (Ignorance, yet Understanding) and noosphere contribution (Death, yet The Force). The Kegan's 5 order of consciousness mind involves all three and it is thus perceived as a valid guideline for my journey. The main advantage being the fact that there is a progression (there are signposts available, e.g. 4th order consciousness).
What good is it to say something that is not what I want to say? I don't get utility from saying arbitrary things. What if someone asks me a question and I know the answer but can't express it in the language? This kind of thing drives me crazy. I wouldn't care if I botched a few verb endings if I could at least have a remotely meaningful conversation in a language. ("Hello, my name is X, nice to meet you" does not qualify.)
In my perspective this would be deliberate practice. You would get to practice sentence construction and you would get to practice your sound creation which is quite a difficult thing to do.
Starting from simple things like asking for direction or requesting stuff is a great place to start.
You can't expect fluency from the very beginning but, in order to get there, you'd have to start from somewhere.
If this kind of sentences drive you crazy... it's ok... choose something else. I'm in no way trying to tell you what to do. :) I'm only providing my perspective on things. If it's useful... ok, if not.... still ok. :)
Is there an online transliterator or something? I don't know Japanese.
I can coherently ask my aunt if there's water in the fridge. Or tell someone that they're a son of a whore. That's about as far as it goes.
It's just a simple "hello, my name is X, nice to meet you" kind of greeting. All languages have them. They might sound silly for a native speaker but also endearing. They warm the atmosphere.
What would be a simple phrase that you would like to learn?
Asking this question 2 times and adding the answers to the "water in the fridge" & "son of a whore" would effectively double your skill. :)
From my personal experience, biggest hurdle in learning a new language is actually using it. Getting past the "shame" filter of your brain. If you accept that mistakes are unavoidable and just start speaking, you will get a lot of practice and you will improve.
I disagree. Nevermind mere mistakes. The biggest hurdle is "I can't fucking say what I want to say". Not "say without mistakes" - "say at all".
Of course you cannot say what you want to say, but maybe you are able to say something else.
You might not be able to express some complex idea from the get go but, would it be that difficult to say: konnichiwa, watashi wa Creutzer desu. Hajimemashite. ? :)
In response to
Strategic choice of identity
There is an "insufficient" mindset that's my biggest obstacle. Like, insufficiently smart to ask questions, insufficiently creative to contribute, insufficiently good tango dancer, etc. Work by Brene Brown on vulnerability has helped me a lot with this.
The identity that helps me most is: I'm a fifth order of consciousness in the making (I just levelled up to 4). :)
In response to
Strategic choice of identity
For example, if you have a "shy person" identity, then going to parties or starting conversations with strangers can generate counterexamples for that identity, and help to displace it with a new one of "sociable person". Costly signaling can be used to achieve this - for example, joining a public speaking club.
Counterintuitively, I think that joining Toastmasters has actually made me identify more strongly as an introvert, mostly because my introversion is never more painfully obvious than when I'm there. So, observing myself attending Toastmasters isn't enough for the "sociable person" identity to stick; I'll have to get to the point where I observe myself attending Toastmasters and also observe myself not feeling terrible about the whole talking thing while I'm there.
Have you noticed any improvement on social anxiety since you joined Toastmasters? Is it in any way easier now to speak up?
In response to
Learning languages efficiently.
Listen as much audio spoken by native speakers as you can. My guess is that children programs are best. Maybe some Hebrew dubbed cartoons that you are already familiar with. First priority is to get your brain trained on the sounds of the language.
Speak with a native speaker that knows English. You can use http://livemocha.com/ for this.
Speak badly but speak.
From my personal experience, biggest hurdle in learning a new language is actually using it. Getting past the "shame" filter of your brain. If you accept that mistakes are unavoidable and just start speaking, you will get a lot of practice and you will improve. Of course, it's nice having a professional aware of the fact that you are a beginner, giving you clear and precise feedback. :)
Love, as I view it is not something that can be easily defined.
That just means that you don't have a well defined concept of the term you are speaking about. I would guess the same is true for most Lesswrongers for most emotions.
But as far as your link goes, I would predict that most people on LW won't be receptive to that kind of talk. I would be very surprised to be proven wrong.
As for emotions... why would anyone dislike the joy of figuring things out? the post flow feeling of accomplishment?
If you want a fancy answer: Second-order cybernetics.
A simple answer would be because you can't feel a strong emotion while wearing a mask. It requires you to give up control and get out of your head. I mean something specific with the phrase "get out of your head", but I would guess that a good portion of LW don't know exactly what I'm talking about and I know of no way to make it clear via this medium.
I could probably come up with a bunch of more reasons if I would invest time.
That just means that you don't have a well defined concept of the term you are speaking about. I would guess the same is true for most Lesswrongers for most emotions.
Good point. It made me realise that I haven't investigated this more seriously lately.
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I am getting married in less than a month, and I just realized that the wedding is probably the Schelling point event of my life. Therefore, if I were to make a commitment to change something about myself, now is probably the time to do it. It seems to me that If I want to make a short term resolution to change something about myself, I should start on New Years Day, so that I can have that extra push of being able to say "I have not done X this year." However, If I want to make a long term change, the best time to do it is probably the wedding, since it is probably the Schelling point of events in my life.
So what are some useful commitments I can make in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?
One idea is to get a "Precommitment Journal", and commit to follow anything that I write down in there, but in that case, I have technically followed everything I have written in that non-existent journal, so that commitment does not really need a Schelling point start date.
A commitment to being healthy and happy could be a good idea. The information from the Blue Zones could provide lots of useful ideas.
A commitment to love could also be a good idea. Love 2.0 book has scientific research in this field.
On a simpler note, you could commit to a long walk in nature with your wife every month or every fortnight. Find a nice trail and keep returning there for a nice slow walk. You could use this time to unwind or to calmly discuss what you could do about things.