All of David Zeller's Comments + Replies

The thing which is natural to me is: when someone makes a claim, or gives me information, I intuitively think “what process led to them making this claim or giving me this information, and does that process systematically make the claim/information match the territory?”.

Ah, that's what trust is to me! That resonates strongly. I hadn't properly thought through the concept before. 

The big question floating around my mind is - to what extent should I let *this* kind of trust (or lack of trust) determine who I'm close to? 

[My comments are less refined than the main post, so take ‘em with a little extra skepticism. All the same, I think this might help.]

Sometimes people don’t want to talk, and that’s ok. But if the conversation turns into an interview when they do want to talk, a few different things could be happening.

- Some people rely too much on using closed questions. Using open questions instead can open up the conversation.

- Some people rely too much on asking questions in general. There are other types of things that we can say as the listener which may be worth usin... (read more)

That's a big question. Some notes on what worked for me:

- The thing that has helped me the most was finding a volunteer role that involves empathic listening. It gave me a lot of chances to practice. Plus, because it was a new & separate space from the rest of my life, I was more flexible to intentionally choose the habits I wanted to cultivate there before old habits got locked in. I believe doing something like that would help a lot, though it is a relatively time/effort intensive thing to do. 

- If you don't have the time for something like a vo... (read more)