LESSWRONG
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All of isaacschlueter's Comments + Replies

Can the Chain Still Hold You?
isaacschlueter160

As I've heard it explained, there was a lot of contention for the free food in the garbage pit. It was highly desirable, so the most agressive alpha males took it over, and jealously guarded it. So, the weaker males (and females and young) stayed behind.

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Wrongnesslessness160

So the true lesson of this post is that we should get rid of all the aggressive alpha males in our society. I guess I always found the idea obvious, but now that it has been validated, can we please start devising some plan for implementing it?

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How to understand people better
isaacschlueter30

Looks useful, thanks for the tip!

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How to understand people better
isaacschlueter40

Yes, that's why I mentioned that it's much more difficult than it seems. There are two negative reactions I've encountered: The first is a "yeah, no $#!+, what are you, autistic or something?" The second is, "No, why would you even think that? Are you autistic or something?"

So, yeah... use with caution. It's a technique that can be a little weird, but when you're finding yourself completely without any clue what's going on inside someone else, and you really need to know, just throwing out your best guess (or whatever you do know, ... (read more)

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4lessdazed
I recommend Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most.
How to understand people better
isaacschlueter230

Great points in this article. I noticed in high school that I had difficulties in this area, but rather than approach it with this conceptual pwno has, I sought out training regimens more like what you describe.

I can't say that they've been super effective. I still come across as a bit "off" a lot of the time, but they've certainly helped. YMMV, of course.

  1. If you're single (or, at least, not locked down), join a dating website (or a few). Don't try to find the love of your life. Just try to go on as many first dates as you can. Try to lear

... (read more)
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1thomblake
I'd second that in particular.
7greenfox
Great suggestions. I like the suggestions of using dates and classes as behavior labs. I'd like to add one comment, though, on point number 5: 'When you're speaking with people, try to figure out how they're feeling, and state it as a tentative sentence. Throw in "And you're happy about this" or "that makes you sad" or "you're mad at me about something" in conversation, if it seems like that's true. In therapy, this is called making "process comments" -- comments that just state what's happening, and don't try to add explanation or judgement. They'll correct you if you're wrong, and give you more information if you're right. It's an incredibly powerful technique, and much more difficult than it sounds.' Personally, I'd be very careful with making statements about another person's feelings in this format. If your read of their emotions is wrong, this can come across as forming snap judgements and being unwilling to listen to them about what they are actually feeling. Even more frightening, I've found that when other people state things about my own emotional state, I tend to become confused about what I actually am feeling, wondering if I actually did have an unconscious motive driven by the emotions they point to. I suspect this is more likely to be problematic when the person making the statement is perceived as higher status. On the other hand, if the status difference is reversed, the statement may sound presumptuous. Instead, I'd suggest using language that shows ownership of your own perceptions "I get the sense that you're upset about something..." or "You seem happy to me." Or present the observation as a question "Are you angry about what happened?" Your mileage may vary, of course.