To me it sounds as if the "don't steelman" + ITT could be achieved by starmanning: https://centerforinquiry.org/blog/how-to-star-man-arguing-from-compassion/
I'll give a quick outline of my own approach to this issue. Disclaimer: This is where I mention that I'm on the autism spectrum, so this is me neckbearding my way out of sucking at all of this.
I'm going with privacy erosion as an example: Someone On The Internet is arguing that there should be no privacy On The Internet (because of the children).
First, I assume that my opponent is arguing in good faith...
This is an excellent post, thank you for making it. I don't have anything to add to the discussion right now, other than sharing my strategy for boundary violations where I can't sufficiently judge the benignness/traumatizing worst-case outcome:
"Unless you tell me not to, I'm going to hug you now."
Works as long as the other party is in a condition to understand speech - because even <desperate wail> signals me to stop,.