Cross-posting from Less Wrong, I think there's a generalized Russell's Paradox problem with this theory of rationality:

I don't think I buy this for Newcomb-like problems. Consider Omega who says, "There will be $1M in Box B IFF you are irrational."

Rationality as winning is probably subject to a whole family of Russell's-Paradox-type problems like that. I suppose I'm not sure there's a better notion of rationality.

Best of luck, it's painful, but you can definitely come through this with renewed zest for life, the universe and your fellow humans.

I've not written down my deconversion process yet, but plan too. Others have given the links to the deconversion stories, but this one was very interesting from the point of view of someone heavily involved in christian mission. There may be answers in here that help you: http://www.geocities.com/kenandcharlene/Testimony.htm