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ciphergoth comments on A Suite of Pragmatic Considerations in Favor of Niceness - Less Wrong
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I think there is some truth to this, but it's because mainstream culture is so screwed up about sex. If you can get onboard the sex-positive train, being nice and having great sex becomes compatible - indeed, being nice becomes a positive advantage, or at least I'm pretty confident it is for me. Start with Greta Christina.
Greta Christina is amazing, and I've actually been thinking lately I'd love to get her on board here.