ciphergoth comments on Normal Cryonics - Less Wrong

58 Post author: Eliezer_Yudkowsky 19 January 2010 07:08PM

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Comment author: ciphergoth 07 February 2010 11:17:11PM 0 points [-]

Thanks!

I am inclined to agree, but I can't work out how. I found it pretty difficult to get started writing that, and that way seemed to work. If you can give me any more specific ideas on how best to fix it, I might well try. Have saved first version in version control!

Comment author: JGWeissman 07 February 2010 11:25:28PM 1 point [-]

Suggested edit:

Cryonics is controversial. Critics claim the idea that we could freeze someone today in such a way that future technology might be able to re-animate them is nothing more than wishful thinking on the desire to avoid death, dressed up in scientific-sounding language. Criticisms include ...

Comment author: ciphergoth 08 February 2010 12:18:50AM 0 points [-]

I did something like this in the end.

Comment author: orthonormal 07 February 2010 11:36:52PM 0 points [-]

The Feynman anecdote actually seems to me like the best place to begin, both for literary interest and for a clearer introduction. If you started there, you could take the rest of that paragraph almost unchanged (inserting the parenthetical definition of cryonics from your current first paragraph) before introducing the skeptics' links and continuing as before?

Comment author: ciphergoth 07 February 2010 11:47:27PM 0 points [-]

Just had a go, but I can't quite make it work; the skeptic's links seem hard to introduce.

Comment author: Morendil 07 February 2010 11:32:11PM *  0 points [-]

Suggested edits:

  • turn the opening sentence into a question, "Is cryonics pseudoscience ?"
  • change "is nothing more than wishful thinking" into "could be nothing more", etc.
  • change "If you don't believe that, you can read" into "This is the point of view argued in"
  • strike "This makes me sad, because", so the sentence starts "To my naive eyes"

This way your hook is neutral enough to draw everyone in.

ETA: I would be careful with the £25/mo quote, until and unless you get a quote from Rudi Hoffman or elsewhere. At least mention that the pricing is one of those logistical issues you've promised to cover in further posts.

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