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beriukay comments on Five-minute rationality techniques - Less Wrong
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I'm surprised there aren't any comments about reminding people they can't have it both ways. I haven't found a great way to do it quickly, but I have sometimes talked people down from forming a negative opinion (of a person, group, or event) by asking them if they would have gotten the same perception from a counterfactual (and in some sense opposite) event occurring instead.
I need an example of that one.
Ok, one fairly frustrating occurrence in my life is when my girlfriend gets freaked out about failing a math class. The problem being that she gets about as freaked when she does well on a test as when she does poorly on a quiz. Pointing out that she seems to just want to panic regardless of the event seems to calm her more than most of my other approaches.
But the example I was actually thinking about when I wrote that involved a coworker talking badly of someone else in the workplace. The specifics are lost to me, but at the time, I noticed that the complaining guy would have had material to gripe about regardless of what the other person did. I mentioned this, and he conceded the fact and changed the subject.
Thanks for the examples.
Interesting. I think think that exact phrasing wouldn't work well with me because when I have bad emotional habits, it generally doesn't seem as though I want them. I'd do better with a more neutral phrasing like "it seems as though you panic no matter what happens".
All I can do is guess about the difference-- maybe your girlfriend experiences her internal state as wanting the emotions she's getting?
You know, I didn't really notice that distinction before. I shall have to pay attention to that. I'll let you know if/how much better that works.