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ciphergoth comments on Have no heroes, and no villains - Less Wrong
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I find this also hard with acquaintances. One who has done some really awful things but is also in many ways an interesting and sometimes very selfless and generous person. There's pressure to either say "oh, they're all right really" or "oh, they're not really generous". Ultimately for all that they deny it, people want to know what side you're on.
And on an equally depressing note, I've run into this with significant others. Sadly, I've found that my inability to subscribe to the Good Guy/Bad Guy narrative hasn't resulted in optimizing relationships.
Why not simply lie and pretend to subscribe to whatever Good Guy/Bad Guy narrative is socially convienient?
As a general rule, I try not to lie to myself. I wasn't referring to the social convention of picking a side to cheer for, but the internal conflict that occurs when you love someone and they turn around and hurt you; for instance, your SO makes a huge mistake, but you're reluctant to let that outweigh all of the good qualities that they have. It then turns into a situation where you have to determine where exactly that moral event horizon lies that then makes them unsuitable as your partner. (If anybody has an algorithm for this, please, help me out!)
I meant lying to other people, not yourself- but that's probably irrelevant given I misunderstood you.
Do you want a significant other that you need to lie to? Or who needs to lie to you?
I could tolerate a significant other that I might need to lie to (it would mean they were somewhat irrational, but most people are and I'm not an attractive mate anyway so I can't afford to be picky), but not one who would need to lie to me. (I don't like being lied to, don't like self-delusion, and would have more of a sense of power and control if my spouse was honest with me but not the other way around- with a matter such as a spouse's self-delusions, I would be unlikely to be caught and would suffer less repurcussions anyway)
This is roughly what I mean when I say "I love everyone." Some get tougher love than others, of course.