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ciphergoth comments on Maybe theism is wrong - Less Wrong
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Comments (13)
TBH, after this long I'd make a new post.
I have to confess that I had a "tl;dr" reaction too; I wasn't hooked within the first three paragraphs or so, and I scanned for the hook after that but didn't find it.
Do you mean on the first, or on the second, edited text ? If on the second then it is probably not a good idea for me try to repost this for the moment. I should first attempt to learn how to write more compellingly.
Ooops, sorry, didn't realise you'd already done the rewrite.
The rewrite is a definite improvement. I still feel you haven't made your case, I'm afraid.
I feel my issue, beyond the poor writing style, is that I am making not one but two cases.
The case about theism in particular, and then a more general case about tolerance, which is linked to the theism problem, and contains it.
A good deal of what I wanted to say for the second case, as well as stuff I hadn't thought of, has been better said in the recent It's okay to be (at least a little) irrational post too.
I think that this post still needs another rewrite. I would recommend making it shorter again, and using bullets and other organizational tools. Also, even just a full space between paragraphs would make it more readable. This is the first post that comes up, by the way, when you search 'theism'.