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Mulciber comments on Well-Kept Gardens Die By Pacifism - Less Wrong
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I like that motto a lot. Another one that bears on this is Postel's Law: "Be conservative in what you do; be liberal in what you accept from others."
In the case of wanting to deemphasize politeness, this would suggest being more lenient in the amount of rudeness you allow from others, but not increasing it in your output. Sort of the principle behind Crocker's Rules.
That comment could equally well have gone in "The ideas you're not ready to post," come to think of it.