Ben_LandauTaylor comments on Strategic choice of identity - Less Wrong

76 Post author: Vika 08 March 2014 04:27PM

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Comment author: Eloise 01 March 2014 11:04:32PM 13 points [-]

For example, if you have a "shy person" identity, then going to parties or starting conversations with strangers can generate counterexamples for that identity, and help to displace it with a new one of "sociable person". Costly signaling can be used to achieve this - for example, joining a public speaking club.

Counterintuitively, I think that joining Toastmasters has actually made me identify more strongly as an introvert, mostly because my introversion is never more painfully obvious than when I'm there. So, observing myself attending Toastmasters isn't enough for the "sociable person" identity to stick; I'll have to get to the point where I observe myself attending Toastmasters and also observe myself not feeling terrible about the whole talking thing while I'm there.

Comment author: Ben_LandauTaylor 02 March 2014 12:49:02AM 44 points [-]

I've had success in similar situations by reframing things and adopting the "extrovert in training" identity. Struggling at the limit of my ability reinforced that identity, even when that limit was low. For example, an extrovert wouldn't attend the first 45 minutes of a party and then get overwhelmed and leave, but an extrovert in training would. Meanwhile, the identity reinforced my desire to struggle at the limit of my ability (maybe I can stay for 75 minutes), which led to rapid improvement. The general heuristic of reframing from "I am having trouble with X" to "I am learning to X" has helped my motivation immensely.

Also, you are awesome for taking concrete steps to gain the skills you want. Have some positive reinforcement.

Comment author: Vika 03 March 2014 03:18:09AM 6 points [-]

This is a great example of a growth mindset motivated identity! If you're not yet good enough at a skill according to your inner judge, just call yourself an apprentice.

Comment author: Eloise 03 March 2014 06:08:53PM 4 points [-]

That is a useful reframing. I’ll give it a try!