Klaus comments on Fake Selfishness - Less Wrong
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I think this whole egoism vs. altruism debate is too much black and white thinking.
What about evolutionary ethics? Doing what is good for your genes and the survival of the species.
Therefore, one would put self-interest over the interest of other people, but not totally disregard the latter. Also some people like your children would be more important than others. The ranking would look something like this:
Selfishness is the default, but can be overridden if the bad consequences times the number of affected people are large enough. One has to consider how high the weights for each category are.
Therefore, the answer to your questions would probably be:
Update:
As I thought about it, the well-being of your children is actually more important that your own. This is supported by lots of data. According to Dan Gilbert having children significantly decreases your overall happiness. Parents often sacrifice their life quality for their children. I suppose it's not because they care about overall well-being on earth, but more egoistically about their own genes.