RichardKennaway comments on Open Thread, Feb. 2 - Feb 8, 2015 - Less Wrong

4 Post author: Gondolinian 02 February 2015 12:28AM

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Comment author: RichardKennaway 11 February 2015 02:22:35PM 1 point [-]

If you read David Burns "The Feel Good handbook" he makes the point that showing vunerability is a condition to get someone to love you.

What does "vulnerable" mean in this context? People use the word a lot, but nothing listed against it in the dictionary strikes me as a positive thing: susceptible of receiving wounds or physical injury, open to attack or injury of a non-physical nature, in need of special care because of age, disability, risk of abuse or neglect. The general Google hits on the word are even more unattractive.

Comment author: Good_Burning_Plastic 11 February 2015 09:44:39PM 2 points [-]

I think he means it in Mark Manson's sense.

Comment author: RichardKennaway 12 February 2015 01:25:43PM 0 points [-]

Ah. I'll pass.

Comment author: Epictetus 11 February 2015 02:47:02PM 2 points [-]

What does "vulnerable" mean in this context?

Exactly what the dictionary says: open to attack or injury of a non-physical nature. It doesn't sound very good when put in those terms, granted, but the main idea is that showing vulnerability is a way of signalling trust. You give someone the power to harm you, but you trust them not to abuse it. One form is sharing secrets or personal details (if you read HPMOR, this point comes up).

Comment author: ChristianKl 11 February 2015 04:53:18PM 1 point [-]

open to attack or injury of a non-physical nature

You do need to be open to injury of a non-physical nature to empathize in a way with another person where you feel their pain. The act of caring about another person opens you up to feel bad when they get hurt.

But the openness for negative emotions also means an openness for positive emotions. You feel good when the other person feels good. If you are vulnerable to a girl and she smiles to you in deep happiness that feels good. The ability to do that makes the girl feel agentship. She's not just an object but an agent.

A lot of that is also unconscious. Emotional flow is part of most healthy relationships and a lot of people have barrier against that.