but it was not actually hate speech, the tone was that of a deeply concerned and frightened and reluctant admittance of human differences. However just go on reddit and you find many examples of people engaging in cheap potshots of racism or sexism largely as a way to comparatively feel better about themselves.

Note, how you've just conflated "hate speech" with "racism" and "sexism". Yes, hate is an emotion (at least that's the original meaning of them word) and like all emotions there are rational and irrational reasons to feel it. However, as the term is commonly used today "hate speech" has almost nothing to do with "hate". You mention that it's inappropriately applied to situations where there is no actual hate. On the other hand you're still implicitly restricting it to situations where the target is an official victim group.