If I want to learn all the material on MIRI's research guide as quickly as possible, do I have to get a day job and fuel my own education, or is there a cult that would take me into their deep, dark dungeons as a slave, so long as all I did was study?

I guess if there were just some other way I could more easily facilitate my studies that would be fine too, it doesn't have to involve servitude to shady folk.