jmed comments on How exactly do you deal with irrational reactions to insects and spiders? - Less Wrong Discussion
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It is common for humans, LW or not, to have rational (or maybe arational is more accurate?) aversions to bugs, spiders, snakes, and other critters that could poison us in the environment of evolutionary adaptedness. Overcoming this through learning and exposure is commonly required to get over the fear.
You need at least one person to assist you in constructing your controlled setting. Maybe you could use a local pet store as your controlled environment.
Exposure therapy is the way to go, to desensitize as you mentioned. Here is a plan
Good luck