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shokwave comments on Improving My Writing Style - Less Wrong Discussion
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I like the original version slightly more, mainly because of the first paragraph which is significantly longer in the edited version without saying more or being clearer. I regard the rejection of passive voice as quite an arbitrary norm; "if it can be known" is bad, but it is because "can" is superfluous there rather than because of the passive voice.
All things equal, prefer active - but if there is any benefit to using passive voice (eg the sentence is a few words shorter), things aren't equal, so use passive! I think that the voice being changed between active and passive helps make a sentence flow, but I've never read anything enlightening on the matter.